The Glorious Misadventures of Prince Zero Kiryu
by Scioneeris
Summary: Lately, Zero's royal life has turned upside down in ways he can't even begin to keep together. Especially when he finds himself married to a handsome pureblood! Have his silver spoon years come to an end? Yaoi. ZxK
1. Lousy Morning

**A/N: I feel like screaming "somebody stop me before I start another fic!" LOL. Actually, this is the other VK idea I had swirling around in my head for the past few weeks. It's probably pure crack at the moment, I wouldn't have a clue, but I've some ridiculous urge to dump poor Zero in this twisted world of mine and see how he fares. All the characters are mixed up and pretty much everyone from VK will make an appearance in some way or another. I can't explain my insanity beyond-read the summary and warnings. **

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own any Vampire Knight anything, that genius belongs to Matsuri Hino. I only lay claim to my original characters and plot bunnies.  
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**SUMMARY: Zero and Ichiru are adopted twins to the current reigning Pureblood King and Queen. Lately, Zero's royal life has turned upside down in ways he can't even keep together. Especially when he finds himself married to a handsome pureblood! Have his silver spoon years finally come to an end? **

**WARNING: Will eventually be Yaoi or boyxboy. If you don't like it, then you don't have to read it. **

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><p>Prince Zero stared at the empty velvet case before him. He stood and stared because there was precious little else he could do at the moment. The swordmaster, Togua Yagari, stood at the center of the training room, his arm held stiffly at the side, waiting for his apprentice to return. Zero swallowed hard, his hands clenching into fists as his head bowed. The case was empty—obviously—and as far as he could tell, the twin swords were nowhere in sight.<p>

Surely, his twin did not hate him this much.

He winced.

Okay, perhaps he did.

Zero hadn't quite meant to let slip some of Ichiru's personal tidbits at the last family dinner banquet—a weekly happening in the royal household—but he'd been drunk on blood wine and quite a few other things at the time and it had simply come out. Of course, they were both healthy young men with a mischievous streak only worsened by their inherited position of power and status—especially when in competition of each other.

The royal couple hadn't had a clue what they were getting into when they adopted the silver-haired twins well over a decade ago. Zero felt he could've warned them. Ichiru had been like this as far as he could recall and just because of his fragile appearance and sometimes troublesome health—no one would ever believe such a devious mind lurked behind such an innocent face.

"Zero?" Yagari's gravelly voice interrupted the young prince's thoughts. "You might have all the time in the world to-"

The prince turned, his expression contrite, clear lavender eyes shimmering faintly as his hands hung at his sides, perhaps cuteness could work in his favor for once. It always seemed to get Ichiru out of a tight spot. "I'm sorry, Master Yagari, but it seems that I have…misplaced, my swords. If I could have a minute to retrieve them, I will-"

The dignified swordsmaster snorted derisively, avoiding the prince's eyes. "Don't give me that flowery excuse. You mean your empty-headed twit of a brother hid them from you again?"

Prince Zero flushed a royal shade of pink from the base of his neck to the tips of his ears. Apparently, cuteness only worked for Ichiru, not him. "I-it's not like that!" He protested, but the words sounded weak to his own ears.

"You're excused." The swordsmaster said, curtly. "And if you are not serious about your training then do not waste my time. The King can order his army to stand at the ready, but they won't lift a finger until I say so." Dark eyes narrowed meaningfully. "When you have straightened your priorities and decided on a course of action, I'll be where I belong—in the courtyard barracks." The armored figure left the room in a sweeping chill.

The silver-haired prince stood in the middle of the empty practice room for several long, silent minutes before he finally turned and stomped his way to the door. He cast one glance back at the empty case on the weapons cleaning table and then slammed the door shut with a darkened scowl. There were guards outside the room of course, but neither of them commented on the prince's darkened disposition as he stalked down the richly furnished hallways.

"Ichiru!" He growled the name out, intending to find his trouble-making twin and pound the living daylights out of him—regardless of sickness or health. The entire week had been some sort of living hell. Granted, he didn't even remember exactly what he'd said or done to have his twin so furious with him, but the idiot hadn't even given him a chance to apologize or explain himself.

Sure, they'd had prank wars before and sometimes had held grudges for longer than was really necessary, but this was getting to be pretty bad. All week long it had been one thing after another, the pranks ranging from silly to spiteful and childish to elaborate. His clothes tailored to the wrong length for the upcoming official wedding ceremony, exploding experiments when he assisted their tutor with the science lesson, disintegrating underwear, sneezing powder in his breakfast and finally—Zero rounded the corner in a hurry and slammed into a serving girl scuttling down the hallway.

He recognized her and the intention, but grabbed for her a moment too late and she flew back several feet, landing with something between a wail and a shriek of surprise, the single silver platter in her hand went flying—along with the crystal goblet and metal tin of blood tablets. The goblet shattered at once on the ornate stone floor and the clear liquid splashed over her and the hem of a beautifully embroidered gown belonging to one of the two newcomers on the scene.

"Oowww." The girl wailed.

Zero picked himself up off the floor with a grunt, catching sight of Ichiru and his wife, Sara. The young royal couple paused, their original expressions mirroring each other before Sara's turned to one of extreme distaste and contempt while Ichiru's morphed into something of a smirk. "Still hate the tablets, Zero?" He teased, watching as the horrified serving girl scrambled to get to her feet. Sara turned away to study a tapestry hanging on the wall.

Zero didn't answer the taunt, as he resisted the urge to tackle said twin on the spot and reacquaint him with the fists that hung at his side. His attention and anger was momentarily diverted when he realized the embarrassed serving girl was reacting in the usual manner as most royal servants did—with extreme skittishness and profuse apologies. "Don't touch those!" Zero snapped.

But his warning was late and the girl already had. She jumped at the barked command and teetered forward, throwing out her trembling hands to steady herself. One hand slammed down on a shard of glass and bright streaks of crimson flowed at once from the wound. Zero backed away, feeling familiar, unwanted shivers running through his body. His eyes fluxed red and a spasm in his stomach drew a gasp to his lips.

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><p><strong>~*~*~*Thanks for reading!~*~*~<strong>

**A/N: And to clarify the running count: There is King Rido, Queen Shizuka, Princes Zero and Ichiru and the Princess Sara (by relation of marriage to Ichiru.) I'm putting Zero and Ichiru around about 19 years old at the moment. I hope you enjoyed the read, apologies for the short chapter! *****^_^***


	2. From Bad To Worse

**A/N: And I'm on a bit of a roll tonight, it doesn't seem fair to leave the last chapter as it was, so here we go. A little glimpse of this mismatched family dynamics and of course, dear Zero. **

**See first chapter for warnings, summary and disclaimer! I do not own Vampire Knight, if I did...well, you know. **

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><p>"Take a few tablets, Zero." Ichiru snagged the container from the ground and tossed it lightly towards his twin, his tone mocking. "After all, you're not a monster, who would devour a poor, helpless young girl, are you?"<p>

Sara's shoulders suddenly shook as if quivering with laughter, but her back was to the situation and neither prince could see her face. The serving girl began to babble more apologies as Zero took another step back, willing his body to obey. "You know, it would be an honor for her, if you thought to really make use of those fangs." Ichiru reached down, grabbing the girl by the wrist and hauling her up to stand, holding the bloodied hand up for inspection. "After all, you're a prince and she's just a serving w-"

"Shut up, Ichiru!" Zero ground out, hugging his arms tight to his sides as the inevitable shaking began. He turned his back to the group, fingers digging into his arms as ee fought with his darker side, realizing, belatedly, that he was too weak to will it away. It had been weeks since he had last fed—enough to be satisfied anyway. The blood tablets working depended on whether his vampire nature was feeling generous or not. Most times he ended up puking his guts out in the bathroom chambers for the better part of the day.

"Aww, what's the matter, Ze?" Ichiru thrust the girl aside, ignoring her whimperings as he stepped forward and around the mess. "You know, lately I've been wondering about you and-" The silver-haired prince leapt backwards when Zero suddenly whirled around to face him, eyes blood red and fangs fully extended. A certain shade of pale registered as the younger twin pressed himself into the wall, frozen. It had certainly been a while since he had seen his twin's vampire side and suddenly, he had the feeling that things weren't about to go the way he'd originally intended.

"Something the matter, Ichiru?" Vampire Zero rasped. "You think this is funny?"

"I think it's horribly amusing." Sara tittered, the laughter evident in her voice as she turned to face the two brothers.

Ichiru blanched, mouthing the word 'No' to his wife's back, but remaining unable to do anything beyond that as Zero currently had him collared against the smooth, cold rock of the castle walls.

Zero growled. "I could show you amusing." He blurred forward, one hand outstretched for the temping expanse of pale white neck, the royal gown offered. Sara wouldn't be able to run in the heavy skirts and silks—he hoped. He was acutely aware of her scent and the rich, crimson blood flowing through her veins. It smelled even better than Ichiru.

Ichiru sprang to action, leaping forward shove his wife to the side, blocking his twin with outstretched arms and the first flicker of fear. "Z-zero? Zero, listen to me! It's Ichiru. Don't do this, d-don't do this!"

Sara had stumbled out of the way and jerked around with a retort on her lips to see the strange sight beside her. Her own vampire nature stirred faintly, then died out when the crimson eyes turned to glower at her. Pureblood vampire or naught, half of her powers had been sealed upon her holy wedded union to one of the precious crown princes. She could try to run, but the current ballgown was a bit on the heavy side and exactly where was a princess supposed to run when being chased by her vampiric brother-in-law? Sara swallowed hard, backing away when Zero's head whipped to the left and he sniffed the air, faintly. The growl sounded in his throat, a more pleasured sound than a frustrated one and he pushed away from Ichiru to focus on the new thing.

She strained to hear what he was hearing and an expression of horror registered on her face when she did.

A soft humming filled the air and Zero didn't wait.

When the singer rounded the corner, he tackled it. It being a her and her being a lovely, silver-haired woman in royal garb twice as lavish as the Princess Sara. There was a muffled squeak of surprise before a comical sight greeted Prince Ichiru and company.

Queen Shizuka was pinned against the stone wall of the furnished walkway, with her head jerked to the side with the aid of Zero's fist in her silvery-white hair, his other hand having ripped the front of her collared gown to expose the pale flesh beneath. He'd summarily sunk his fangs into her neck and now drank freely and greedily from the pureblood queen.

Prince Ichiru gulped. His adoptive mother, Queen Shizuka merely smiled the little smile she usually did when humoring either one of her adopted twin sons. "Ichiru." She managed, wincing as Zero drew hard from her. "Lovely morning, isn't it? Sara."

"Er." Ichiru swallowed. "Good morning, Mother." He darted a glance towards Sara, somewhat relieved to know that his lovely wife was offering a curtsy and on the verge of running away. He hoped she would run. He hoped he could run after her. The very sight before him promised painful repercussions and he didn't want to be around, even if he wasn't the one that would be in trouble.

Zero growled into her neck, but didn't stop in his drinking.

The Queen's placid smile remained as one slender white hand reached up, threading through Zero's lovely locks. "Good morning to you too, Zero." She stroked his head and fingered the silver earrings adoring his ears. "Zero, love, I've told you before not to fight this." She sighed, taking in the sight before her. "It isn't good for you and you know it puts everyone else at risk when you aren't being honest with yourself." She pinched his ear, lightly. He twitched, faintly, giving another growl, this one less annoyed and quieter than the first. "Ichiru, call someone to clean this up before your father gets here. If he sees this, I think he'll pitch a fit from this kingdom to the next realm of-"

"What is going on here?" King Rido's booming voice sent a deliberate chill over every being present.

Zero shivered, burrowing closer to the warm neck currently providing the very thing he craved—rich, sweet blood—and a sweet-smelling haven.

Shizuka's hand on his hair slipped down to rest on his waist.

"Shizuka!" One red eye flashed and the other blue one flared with jealousy. "Zero." The second name was ground out with a touch more malice and then the first repeated with barely suppressed anger. "Shizuka…!"

"Zero…" She cooed, wincing again. He was drawing too much and too fast at the wrong time. From the possessive gleam in her husband's eyes, she could well predict what would happen next.

And it did.

In the following minutes, the royal wrath of the esteemed pureblood King manifested itself in two slaps and a powerful, oppressive aura. The slaps were delivered in quick succession after he wrenched the pair apart.

One to the half-drunk and giddy prince and the other to the flushed queen formerly pinned against the wall.

Zero was sent sprawling to the ground, a very visible red handprint on his pale face. Ichiru's horrified expression said more than his mouth might have. Shizuka sagged back against the wall.

"Rido, darling…calm down, it's not what you think it was…he was just…"

"Silence, woman!" The King growled. "You think I can't use my own head? He's old enough to fend for himself and you keep enabling him with your-" The glower darkened, the blue eye fluxing crimson. The scent of blood in the air, especially that of his bonded mate was a little too much to resist, regardless of the current situation and her health. "Your blood is mine." He growled. "How many times much I remind you that everything you have, everything you are, is mine and mine alone?"

Shizuka didn't answer, one hand over the wound in her neck that was slowly healing, the other holding up the ripped bodice of her royal gown. The weary look in her pale pink eyes faded as her legs gave way and she crumpled to the ground in a dead faint.

"Shizuka!" Rido lurched forward.

Zero's crimson eyes faded back to a dull lavender hue. He took the brief distraction for what it was worth—the moment the King's back turned to him—he scrambled to his feet and ran.

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><p><strong>~*~*~*Thanks for reading!~*~*~<strong>


	3. Twin Chat

**A/N: Thank you all for the kind reviews, faves and alerts. I really hope you enjoy these ridiculous adventures at Zero's expense. Now, onto the twin portion of the mismatched family dynamics, enjoy the read! **

**See first chapter for warnings, summary and disclaimer! I do not own Vampire Knight, if I did...well, you know.  
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><p>It was thanks to Shizuka's pure blood currently coursing through his veins that Rido's aura hadn't kept him glued to the ground. Her fight and fire, even against her own mate, was present enough that even with her blood in another body, the feelings ran clear and through. Zero ran as fast his body would allow—at vampire speed.<p>

The moment he reached his wing of the castle, he shut the door behind him and bolted it firmly, chanting the hunter charm that he'd known from childhood. It burned his fingers, faintly, but only for the strength of the magic in relation to the amount of vampire blood running through his body. His dual nature often served to help and isolate him at times like this.

Sinking down to the ground, he drew his knees up to his chest, trembling fingers moving up to cover his face. He'd done it. He really was a monster after all. The ache in his chest burned and throbbed faintly with no promise of respite. Lately, everything had just gone haywire and he didn't know why or what for. Ichiru had turned against him—the closest thing he could call a friend, at least, if one's twin qualified as a friend and even lately, his twin had been on a rather sadistic streak.

Not that he, himself hadn't given into his darker urges from time to time—but at least he hadn't done so at the expense of his twin.

His stupid, idiotic, empty-headed twin.

_Ichiru!_

It hadn't escaped his attention that both Sara and Ichiru had managed to run away in the heat of it all. His mind replayed the expression on his adopted father's face and Zero cringed again, both outward and inward. On days like today, he hated being half-vampire and half-hunter. He wished the royal couple would've just left him and Ichiru alone or at least, taken Ichiru and left him.

_No, no no! _

Zero shook his head. As much as Ichiru bugged him—as much as they both ribbed each other—neither wanted the other to really suffer in silence. A slight drowsiness began to wash over him and Zero briefly contemplated moving from the floor to the large, canopied four-poster bed for a nap. Shame burned through him as the mental image of Shizuka slumped against the wall in her torn, bloodstained gown haunted his memory.

He didn't deserve to sleep on a soft, warm bed. He didn't even deserve to be prince. What kind of prince would govern his country when he couldn't even control his own self? The ache burned brighter and Zero squeezed his eyes shut, resting his head on his folded arms. He thought of Master Yagari's disappointment from earlier and then of Ichiru's mocking words. He was tired. Drinking blood always made him sleepy, but for the past week, he hadn't even managed a decent night's sleep, thanks to Ichiru's pranks.

His throat burned faintly and Zero stifled a moan. He was thirsty—oh so thirsty—he hadn't had anywhere near enough when Rido had interrupted. Usually, the tablets would take off the edge and between that and Shizuka's generous offers, he would get by just fine. Frustrated tears prickled at the corner of his eyes and Zero drew himself up from the floor with a scowl.

He was a prince, for crying out loud!

And princes did not sit on the floor and wallow in misery because of one stupid little thing.

_It's not stupid. It's not little._ His mind taunted. Zero wavered, then shoved one hand in his pants pocket to draw out the metal tin of blood tablets. He shook out several into his hand and popped them into his mouth, willing his body to cooperate and make use of them.

It didn't.

He dashed to the bathroom chamber and threw up in the toilet. With a grimace, he knelt, heaving over the porcelain bowl for a few minutes before his stomach was convince that there was nothing else to expel. He straightened with a slight wobble and moved to the sink to rinse his mouth and brush his teeth. Brushing his teeth always provided some semblance of comfort and routine and at the moment, he wanted that.

When he finished, the urge to sleep began to overwhelm him to the point where he wearily trekked to the giant bed and flopped down on one corner of it. As far as he could tell, there were no strange pranks or other tricks going off right away and he took that as a good sign. Perhaps sleeping on the floor was more of the smarter option than the self-pitying one. He fought the drowsiness as long as he possibly could, before the pleasant blackness claimed him.

Prince Zero awoke the next morning to someone gently shaking his shoulders. Gently at first, then more insistently as he desperately clung to the threads of sleep in his mind. "Whazzat?" He slurred, willing his eyelids to open and trying to decide whether death was an option or not for the person daring to wake him. Sometimes, having royal authority could be useful.

Sometimes.

By the time his mind made sense of the fact that there were precisely only two people who would dare to wake him, that was all the incentive he needed to sit bolt upright. His head connected with a bit of soft-hardness and almost at once something popped him on the side of his head.

"Ow!" Zero snapped, turning to speak and stopping when he took in Ichiru's solemn, contrite expression. An awkward silence hung in the air for a minute and then the younger twin spoke.

"Why are you sleeping on the corner?"

Zero felt a warm flush creep up his neck as he sat up with a yawn. "You should know the answer to that."

Ichiru had the grace to blush and he looked away. "I wasn't going to…I mean, you were looking a little tired…so I figured I'd…" He faltered.

Zero stifled another yawn, turning to face him. He studied the contrite expression, took note of the palest of blushes and then cast a glance at the charmed door. Ichiru's skills were improving. He'd have to strengthen and cast a new one. Privacy was a rare commodity in their ridiculous, twisted excuse of a family, but family was family and for that reason, Zero didn't say anything. Ichiru followed his gaze and managed a weak smile, reading at once what his twin didn't say.

"Sorry. I was…worried."

"Worried?" Zero scoffed. "About me?"

Ichiru's response was to grab his chin and jerk Zero's head to the side, angling it in the light.

"Ow, hey!"

Matching lavender eyes searched his face, as if expecting to see the King's handprint. Vampire healing had caught up with vampire markings, so to speak and there wasn't much of a trace, just a faint ache left behind. Rido had worked himself up into a right proper fit.

Ichiru's hand felt back to his side. "I didn't…mean…" He swallowed. "I didn't think that—how are you now?"

Zero snorted. "Fine. Yourself?"

A shimmer of tears glittered in Ichiru's eyes and he flung his arms around Zero's neck. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" He wailed. "I didn't meant for any of that to happen and-"

Zero counted to ten, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. Ichiru had apparently inherited every single dramatic gene their birth parents had to offer. "I know already. It's fine. I forgive you. It wasn't your fault. Would you quit-!"

"Really?" The tears stopped at once and Ichiru pulled away, the usual mischievous grin coming to his face. Zero perked a silvery eyebrow and Ichiru sighed, taking a seat on the bed beside him. "I'm sorry." He said, at last, sincerely. "I guess…I just wish you hadn't said that."

"Said what?" Zero deadpanned.

Ichiru glared at him.

"I'm serious." Zero held the glare, evenly. "In case you don't remember, I was drunk and I don't remember. Whatever slipped out…I didn't do it on purpose, you know that."

Ichiru flopped back on the bed, darting a glance at his older brother. "Yeah, I guess. I just…you promised, Ze."

Zero sighed, falling back onto the bed and offering a smile. "Then I'm sorry too, but it's your own fault for spiking the punch."

Ichiru blushed deeply. "I didn't think that you'd…I mean…"

"Ex-human, half-hunter, remember?" Zero prodded. "Remember that next time." His brow furrowed. "Remember it and know and if you dare-"

"I wouldn't dare!" Ichiru exclaimed, hastily. "I would never ever dare to dare to do that again." He made a sign over his chest. "I swear."

Zero glowered at him. "What did I say, anyway?"

The blush deepened. "N-nevermind. It's probably best if we just forget about it."

"Just forget about it? You went to all of this-" He gestured around him. "I couldn't even sleep safely in my own bed, Ichiru! And you want me to for-"

"I said I was sorry for what happened!"

"For what, hellweek or my sudden lack of control because you had to hold up her hand and wave it around in the air. What were you thinking? No, wait, you weren't thinking. Has it ever occurred to you to use your head every once in a blue moon?"

The younger twin rolled over to bury his face in the mound of pillows. "I didn't think…" He began and then stopped, realizing he was agreeing with Zero. "I mean, it wasn't supposed to-"

"You know what the tablets do to me and you know I wouldn't go and feed off of a-"

There was a knock on the bedroom door and both twins sat bolt upright. The moment was temporarily ruined, but their expressions were identical.

'I came alone' Ichiru mouthed to Zero's unspoken question.

The ominous knock repeated itself.

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><p><strong>~*~*~*Thanks for reading! Comment if you've got the time.~*~*~ ^_^ <strong>


	4. Mothering

**A/N: Thank you all for the kind reviews, faves and alerts. I really, truly appreciate them! ^_^ I'm pretty sure now that this entire fic may require copious amounts of incredulity to survive it, but as it is I think I may be having way too much fun at poor Zero's expense. LOL. If he thinks things are complicated now, just wait until Kaname enters the picture. :P Anyway, this chapter shares the spotlight with our lovely Queen Shizuka and dear Ichiru as well as our favorite Hunter. Enjoy the read! **

**See first chapter for warnings, summary and disclaimer! I do not own Vampire Knight, if I did...well, you know.**

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><p>Zero waved him off to the bathroom and mentally reached out to feel the presence behind the door. Purely self-preservational instinct allowed him to do so and he relaxed, recognizing the muted aura behind the charmed doorway. He moved from the bed and to the door, recanting the charm and wearily opening the door just a crack.<p>

That bit of stubbornness didn't last longer than a millisecond.

He was smothered in a hug and half-swirl of cherry blossoms as Queen Shizuka pushed through the doors and grabbed him into her arms. The doors closed themselves with another swirl of the lovely pink petals. "Oh Zero." She murmured as she pulled away, cupping his face with one hand and then gently running her smooth fingers over the slightly bruised cheek. It hadn't faded completely yet—a testament to her pureblooded husband and her half-vampire son. "You're not healing." She observed.

Zero rolled his eyes.

She pinched his nose, lightly. "Don't roll your eyes at me, young man." She sniffed the air, delicately, a slight pucker showing in her forehead as she sighed. "At least I know it's nothing serious." She wrinkled her nose. "Ichiru, I can smell you, you know."

A slightly sheepish Ichiru slunk out of the bathroom. "Mother." He acknowledged, when she perked a slender silver brow in his direction. "I thought you were in council with-"

"Your father? Trust me, he is far too engaged in more important matters to notice I am missing, much less to clarify that ridiculous hallway episode. What were you thinking?" Skinny arms perched on her hips, arms akimbo. "No, I take it that you weren't." She frowned. "Really, come here!" Ichiru's shoulders slumped.

"I already apologized!" He said, defensively.

"For what, a perfectly dreadful week, a perfectly dreadful moment or an instant that shouldn't have happened!" Her arms now crossed over her chest with a huff. "No son of mine would be caught dead doing such shameful acts. I understand and make allowances for your human nature, but need I remind you the importance of certain things in this castle?" Her soft pink eyes flared red. "Need I remind you of blood, Ichiru?"

The younger twin shuddered. "No, your majesty."

"Mother." She corrected, absently, beckoning him forward with one hand. He shuffled forward, leaning back even as her slender white hand shot out and caught hold of one perfect ear and jerked it forward. He yelped, as expected, but didn't fight it. Fighting it made it worse. Much worse. The Queen was known for decidedly pointed fingernails. Ichiru knew to stand still once 'caught'. His head remained bowed as the Queen whispered softly to him for a moment, then gave the poor ear one final twist before releasing it.

Ichiru's trademark pout appeared within seconds and one hand clapped immediately over his newly pinked ear. "I'm sorry I did the thing I wasn't supposed to do, Zero." He recited.

"And?" Shizuka prompted, the crimson still dancing about her eyes.

"And I am sorry Mother for letting my…imagination run away with my…"

"Don't strain yourself." Zero interjected.

Shizuka fixed him with a withering glare. "Honestly, you two are-!" She sighed and rubbed her forehead, the first signs of weariness climbing over her. "I really am getting too old for this. Never mind. Ichiru, what are you doing here anyway? Sara was asking for you a minute ago and I thought it was odd that she hadn't seen you, because you know fairly well where you ought to be right now! I am not your personal assistant, we have people for that."

"Er, right. Sorry, Mother." Ichiru looked away. Lately, he'd been looking for more ways to get away from the lovely wife rather than to be with her. The reminder of where he ought to be sparked a half-grimace. He really did need to uncharm the broom closet in the servants quarters where he'd locked the unlucky assistant. The idiot had dared to make a pass at his wife and he's been sure to torture him for the trouble—at least, in a way, he was certain the man would live. By royal law, Ichiru had all rights to kill him, but the man was mostly competent when he wasn't quaking in his boots and he had half a feeling that Zero would have clobbered him for it. "I'll find her in a minute, I just wanted to talk to Zero." He hesitated, as if thinking better of their earlier conversation. "On second thought, I'll come back. Be nice to, Mother, Zero."

"Brat!" Zero scowled.

"Well isn't that charming? Don't leave on my account." The queen shot back, her tone sarcastic as she turned her attention towards the older twin. It was his turn now. "Zero, how are you feeling?" She slid one hand up through his hair and brought their faces together, foreheads touching to feel for a fever. "Mmm, you're fine, I think." Her brow puckered. "You drank just yesterday and-"

"Yesterday?" Zero jerked away. "I slept for an entire day?"

"You were sleeping?" Shizuka returned, innocently. "I thought you were sulking. Goodness, me."

Zero glared at her, pulling free of her clingy hands and weary of the gentle tug to one of his ears. Her fingernails were sharper than he remembered. No wonder Ichiru had stood so still. "I don't sulk." He rubbed his face, willing himself to remember and finding that there was nothing apart from a great, big blank in his head for the events of the previous day. "What happened? D-did I do something…else?"

"What happened when?"

Zero's glare upped by several degrees. "Mother." He forced the name through clenched teeth.

"Ah, that." She waved a hand, gliding over to his bed. "No, you ran off to your room and charmed yourself in. You're lucky it ended so well. Your father got over it—well, at least I think he's over it now. You should've known better than to let yourself get so low that you control slips in front of a servant girl of all people. What if I hadn't come along?"

"Then I wouldn't be worrying that my father might be wanting to kill me again."

"He's always wanted to kill you." The Queen deadpanned. "Now, just maybe more than others." Her lips quirked into a smile. "I thought you two were working things out, a working arrangement of sorts."

"We were." Zero grumbled, not in the mood to hear another lecture on getting along with his adoptive father. "He goes out of my way to annoy me and I got out of mine to return the favor."

"And in turn you both give me a headache!" The Queen smacked him lightly over the head. "Really! He does care about you, Zero. He just has a…strange way of showing it. Besides, you surprised him—you surprised me! You know he's just a bit temperamental in the mornings."

"He's been a little more than that, Mother." Ichiru took a glance at Zero and automatically moved forward, manipulating the conversation. "Has something been the matter?"

The queen gave a little shake of her head, a faint, sad smile touching her pearl pink lips. "N-no, not really." She allowed. "There's been some peace treaty talks coming along and it seems they aren't willing to make the agreements without some sort of concession."

"Like Sara?" Ichiru wondered. "If it's another lovely beauty, I'll take her."

Both mother and twin looked at him with matching expressions of exasperation and they spoke almost at once in the same tone.

"Ichiru!" Shizuka scolded. "That's hardly becoming of a prince."

"Idiot." Zero scolded. "You're younger than me, remember? I'm not married. I'm free." He held up hands.

"Unlike you, I'm not waiting for a royal decree to order me around to it." Ichiru countered. "Besides, it's been a good year." He reflected on the marriage that had taken place the moment that he'd turned eighteen. "Very…enjoyable."

"Enjoyable enough that you can't wait for a second taste?" Shizuka frowned. "You know how I feel about that."

Ichiru 'hmmed' in agreement, but didn't answer.

Shizuka frowned. "You're lucky Maria doesn't mind it." She said at last, thinking of her lovely, delicate cousin and the differences in personality from the young hunter in front of her to the proud pureblood princess that had agreed to marriage connections just a year ago. "You'd best take good care of her."

"Yes, Mother." Ichiru parroted obediently. But he smiled anyway. "I wouldn't have agreed if I didn't plan to." He admitted, truthfully. He elbowed his twin with a smirk. "That's two for me and none for you." He winked. "Really, Ze, you've got to start playing a bit."

Zero blushed a healthy shade of red and charged forward. The two toppled to the ground and tussled for a moment before Ichiru finally pounded the ground, gasping "uncle, I give!" Zero pinned him down a moment longer, drawing out the victory, before he finally released the hold and allowed the younger boy to squirm free. They sat, opposite of each other for a moment, panting.

Shizuka hid a smile behind one hand, her eyes following them fondly. "Now that you've both got that out of your system, Ichiru—wife duty, go find Sara please. You know I don't like her wandering around unsupervised. You really should get a companion for the girl."

"What do you think Maria is for?" Ichiru threw over his shoulder. But of course, he had the good sense to say so only after he'd gotten halfway through the door.

The pureblood queen glared at the door and a moment later, a faint yelp was heard. She smirked, then primly straightened a fold in her gown. It was a lovely pale pink specimen with ruffles and tucks across the silky fabric and with her hair done up in an elaborate style of pins, chains and flowers, she looked every inch the queen that she was and dressed as if she were meeting with one half of the Western courts. "Zero…" Her voice was low and commanding.

The ex-human moved from the floor to sit on the floor beside her feet at once. She offered him her wrist. He looked at her questioningly. "Won't…Father…be angry?"

"He can be as angry as he likes." Shizuka said, softly. "He knows this is as much your right as it is mine." She stroked his head. "You've been worrying me, you know. The change in your feeding schedules, the irrational emotional outbursts and…now sleeping. Zero, is there anything you want to tell me?"

"Like what?" He didn't dare look her in the eyes. _Like what, Mother? You are the woman I call mother and yet I can hardly remember the face of the one who deserved that title. I can taste the madness in your blood and I can't fight it because I'm not you, because I'm part hunter._ "Maybe it's my hunter nature."

"Perhaps." She sighed, tugging up the dress sleeve and presenting her wrist once more. "I know you didn't drink enough, come on now."

"I nearly drained you-!" Zero protested, turning away even as his vampire nature began to struggle to come to the forefront. "You fainted! I took too much and I didn't even notice. I don't want to hurt you…again—please, Mother, don't make me-"

Shizuka blushed serenely. "That wasn't from…bloodloss." She managed, delicately. "That was for something else."

"Something else?" Zero's ears pricked up at once. "What kind of…?" His voice trailed off and his eyes grew wide as his mind connected the dots. He'd hesitated when he'd sensed her presence at the bedroom door, because it had changed—as had some other things of late. "You're…" He gulped, cheeks burning in shame. "You're…and I…" He turned away.

She caught him in her arms, moving easily from the bed to floor. "Zero, Zero, hush. Shh." She held him for a moment, allowing him to think and straighten out the thoughts in his head. "He found out yesterday and he's been feeling rather horrible about it all. You couldn't help it either, I, well, I suppose I could've said something earlier, but really, you men are so dense sometimes, what's a woman to do?"

"You're pregnant!" Zero croaked out. "And you're the queen! How can-?"

"Morning sickness." She tweaked his ear, gently. "That's all it was. I was on my way to see the healer and happened to run into you first. It's nothing more than that and you could hardly ever hope to drain _me_ dry." She drew his head to her lap and pillowed it in the abundance of taffeta and silk. "Rido's appetite is worse than yours and I feed both of you." She sniffed. "Congratulations, you're going to be a big brother."

"Again?" Zero managed, hoping the humor carried through.

She chuckled. "You've done a great job. Now, drink—you're going straight to the Eastern Side Conference Hall to apologize to your father when we're though."

"Mother!" Zero tried not to pout. That was Ichiru's department, not his and he knew that was all the protest he'd be able to get out.

The Queen smirked wickedly, her pink eyes blazing as she drew those sharp fingernails against one perfect, pale wrist.

Zero's eyes bled crimson and he surged forward, capturing the proffered arm and bending his head to the wound. King Rido's angry face still loomed in the back of his mind and as he drank, he forced himself to begin rehearsing an apology. He was certain to need it like his life depended on it.

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><p><strong>~*~*~*~Thanks for reading! Do leave a comment if you can.~*~*~*~ ^_^ <strong>


	5. Something Official

**A/N: Thank you kindly for the lovely reviews, faves and alerts. I'm glad you guys are enjoying the story so far. ^_^ This chapter shares the spotlight with Ichiru, Sara and finally, our darling King Rido. Plenty of drama to come in the next chapter and I'm working on the wedding scene. Suggestions are welcome. ^_^ Enjoy the read! **

**NOTE: This fic features couples with multiple spouses(Polygamy/group marriage : i.e. IchiruxSaraxMaria). If you are offended by this in any way or disagree with such themes, then you are under no obligation to read this fic. I'm not taking a stance on it, I just think it makes this crazy story a little more fun.  
><strong>

**See first chapter for warnings, summary and disclaimer! I do not own Vampire Knight, if I did...well, you know.**

* * *

><p>Zero strolled silently through the maze of castle hallways searching for the main conference room where King Rido usually spent the majority of his day. He wasn't particularly eager to see his father, but Shizuka had urged him to do so in such a way that he couldn't refuse. So, here he stood, several feet away the conference door, wondering just what exactly awaited him on the other side.<p>

"Zero?" Ichiru strolled up, buttoning the cuffs on his identical royal outfit. "Wow. Nice."

Zero rolled his eyes and automatically held out his hand. Ichiru thumped his wrist into it, grateful to have the cuff-buttoning taken care of. "He called you too?" He inquired, tugging at his collar.

"Too?" Zero repeated. "No, I'm just here because." He paused, not wanting to finish. "Just because."

"Oh, right." Ichiru said, knowingly. He handed over the other wrist, checking the neat row of four golden buttons on the carefully tailored silken shirt.

"Sara couldn't handle a few buttons?"

"Don't remind me." Ichiru stifled a groan. "She wanted to know why she couldn't have a hand in planning Maria's wedding."

"Don't look at me." Zero held his hands up, the buttoning finished. "You're the one that decided—both times!"

"Har de har har." Ichiru retorted. "Maria's…different. Besides, you're hardly one to talk Prince Virgin."

Zero twitched. "Say that again and I'll sock you so hard, you'll spin around without touching your underwear." There was no hint of laughter in the threat.

Ichiru bobbed his head, quickly. "Right." He pouted. "Ze, I already said I was sorry for the whole-"

"I want my swords back, I want an apology to Master Yagari and I want my clothes fixed." Zero interrupted, knowing just how and what he could bargain for. "Then I'll consider your apology accepted."

"Tyrant." Ichiru snapped. "Yagari'll bite my head off."

"Takes one to know one and he had my head recently, so yours can keep mine company." Zero threw an arm around his twin's neck, tugging him into a quick headlock.

Ichiru's pout remained. "Hey, stop! I just…" He sputtered, twisting until Zero let him go. He scowled, but hurried hands quickly went through the motions of smoothing and fixing his clothes. His talents showed in the fact that his frantic tugging and patting worked just fine. It was almost impossible to tell that he'd been a half-ruffled mess a few seconds before. He scowled again, this time, deeper. "Am I all straight?" He gave a quick twirl. "And take your earrings off if you're going in there. Mother said it was a conference going on and you know what that means."

"You look fine. Why?" But even as he asked, Zero reached up to free the earrings from their respective piercings. His royal parents had flipped out when he had gotten them, but as long as his hair covered the piercings and the earrings were removed before official meetings, he was allowed to keep and wear them. He'd almost forgotten. Shizuka had thrown up in his toilet and he'd had to call the healer to his chambers to take her away and she'd barely managed to call out to him to change before going to see Rido. He sighed. He also knew a conference meant his very best behavior something that he felt he was running rather low in.

Ichiru rolled his eyes. "You'll be fine for a few minutes without a few pieces of metal in your head." He said. "Conference. Did you not hear me just now? Honestly, how can you-never mind, can you get them all out?"

He could and he did. Zero tucked them inside one silken pocket after wrapping them carefully in a handkerchief. "There, happy? Your turn. How do I look?"

"Like a mirror image where I want to kick myself." Ichiru deadpanned.

"Ichiru?" Sara's high-pitched voice filtered around the corner. "Ichiru! This isn't funny!" She rounded the corner and stomped over the moment she laid eyes on the twins. "Ichiru, you little-!" She started and then stopped, her gaze flickering between both of them in momentary confusion. She couldn't tell them apart. Her nose twitched as she attempted to use her vampire traits to aid her mind.

Neither twin moved or breathed.

Sara stood there for a moment, huffing and then her hand shot out towards Zero only to be caught by Ichiru, who gave her a look. "I hope, you weren't going to assault my brother right in front of me, darling." He said, seriously. "And I'm not having another conversation over Maria's color selections for the table napkins! Her choices are hers and that's fine."

"Table napkins?" Zero echoed, he looked away to hide the laughter threatening to bubble up. Ichiru kicked him lightly, turning his attention back to his errant wife.

Sara tried to pull her hand free, but found that the steely grip remained. She frowned. "I-I wasn't going to clobber him, Ichy. I was just coming to ask if I could accept the invitations for the winter ball with three or two RSVP's. I've already planned my outfits for the season and I don't know about _her_."

"You're going to ask like that?" Ichiru glanced to their now joined hands. His wife merely stuck her lower lip out in a pout. He sighed, raking a hand through his hair. "Fine, we'll talk about this now, then. Maria is free to make her own choices, just as you are and if she will attend, then it will be all three of us." He sighed. "After the wedding, we can clear the entire season schedule, I…Ze, tell him I was here, okay?" He turned, offering his arm to the princess. "Sara, I hadn't considered the winter ball, because Mother hasn't said what she is attending this year. You know we have to make an appearance in her stead, so technically, there's going to be a little more than" Sara took it with a regal sniff of her nose.

Zero watched him go. He hid a smile. He hadn't heard the news yet. He would dearly love to know his twin's priceless reaction to a new family addition, but having made it this far, he decided that he'd be quick. Perhaps he could double back after a quick apology and make to the healer's chambers before Ichiru and company. After all, Ichiru was human and human walking speed was something else. To see the look on his face when Shizuka made her announcement was one thing he couldn't possibly pass up.

With that thought in mind, Zero approached the conference room doors.

The guards at the side stood stoically, their expressions expressionless and neither of the moving as Zero drew near.

"Is his majesty in conference?" Zero asked, knowing they would know best than anyone else. It was more a matter of courtesy than necessity, but he'd been raised a prince and now would use his princely manners. "I would wish to know."

The one on the left twitched faintly.

Zero smiled. That was perfect. "Thank you." He knocked lightly on the thick, ornate door and then entered when the doors swung inward. He realized, belatedly, that it was a private meeting rather than an official meeting and was glad that he'd changed into the more official tunic, leggings and overcoat. While he dressed as simply as a Prince of the kingdom could possibly get away with, there were times when he couldn't avoid his royal stature and for once, he was grateful for it.

The King looked up briefly, he was dressed in traditional Japanese royal style, quite the change from his wife's western appearance. Zero pieced together the fact that there'd been two sets of diplomatic business happening that morning. He was glad he'd slept through it. As much as he tried to tend to his princely duties, sometimes, it could be a real drag.

At the moment, Rido sat at a rectangular lower table, opposite of a regal, dark-haired couple with a cloaked figure to their left. Zero eyed the figure curiously, but turned his attention the King, beginning to wish that perhaps he'd waited for night instead. There was something vaguely familiar about the sorrowful expression on the man's face that sat opposite of Rido. His wife was lovely, her appearance simply stunning in an exquisite kimono with every detail in place, except for her thick, unruly curls of brown-black hair that cascaded well into the floor behind her. Zero wondered, briefly, how tall she was.

There were no guards in the room and that thought struck him as odd, but Zero pushed the thought away. He needed to focus and he needed to keep his courage together. He wasn't one to apologize by nature, but he did know his adoptive father well enough that if he didn't apologize fairly soon, there was going to be quite a bit of the cold-shoulder and more misunderstandings strung together.

The conference room door opened and a priest entered, with a young boy following behind, his hands laden with a ceremonial boxed set and a rich blue and gold embroidered cloths. Zero shifted uncomfortably. He didn't care to be around for the fancy stuff. He'd rather just apologize and get going, regardless of the present audience.

"Father." He coughed, slightly.

"Son." Rido acknowledged, without even looking up. "I was beginning to wonder." He gestured towards the empty golden pillow at the table's right. "Sit down, please. You've kept them waiting long enough."

_Waiting_? Zero blinked, but sat down. The tone in Rido's voice hadn't allowed for any discussion on that and Zero knew better than to question it in front of an audience, it would only lead to things that he had no wish of enduring and he could feel several unsettled auras in the room. He just wanted to leave alive and if that meant holding his tongue, then he'd suffer through it for a few minutes.

The priest came forward, setting a little tinkling bell on the table by Rido's left hand and then taking the bundle from his helper's arms. The teacups and service were quickly cleared away by the young boy's capable hands and then one swatch of the blue-gold cloth was spread on the table. Zero recognized the familiar family royal crest and then the purpose of the cloth.

He'd seen it before—at Ichiru and Sara's wedding. Zero darted a glance at his father, faintly alarmed to note that Rido was vamping out. His eyes were a dull crimson shade, but thankfully, he seemed to be in control of himself, this was confirmed when Zero darted a look towards the guests and realized that they were in a similar state. He swallowed hard and then stared at the figure seated opposite of him on the table. The figure was cloaked in a thick, golden cape, with an oversized hood, effectively hiding the wearer's face and identity. It seemed to suit the dignified air surrounding the figure and Zero's attention was diverted when the helper boy began to set up several items on the table.

There were several items placed on the fancy cloths spread out on the table and one large goblet, in addition to a scroll of parchment and two delicate quills.

Something official was underway.

Something _really_ official.

Zero gulped. The very bad feeling in the bottom of his stomach had grown to enormous proportions. He had a feeling something even worse was about to happen—worse as in, facing Rido's wrath the moment other company was exempt from the same breathing space.

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><p><strong>~*~*~Thanks for reading!~*~*~*<strong>


	6. Marry In Haste

**A/N: Thank you kindly for the lovely reviews, faves and alerts. I've had such fun with this chapter in trying to make up an interesting marriage ceremony through a mixture of cultures/myths, etc. I do hope it is up to snuff. Let me know what you think. I might have gone overboard...maybe. I did cut it short. :P Also, yes, Rido thinks that Zero is Ichiru at the moment. Oh and I think the "little priest boy" might be what some of y'all call an Altar boy, but I wasn't sure, so I just left it as little priest boy. Sorry if it disrupts the flow of the story. I tried!  
><strong>

**NOTE: Please remember that this fic features couples with multiple spouses(Polygamy/group marriage : i.e. IchiruxSaraxMaria). If you are offended by this in any way or disagree with such themes, then you are under no obligation to read this fic. I'm not taking a stance on it, I just think it makes this crazy story a little more fun.  
><strong>

**See first chapter for warnings, summary and disclaimer! I do not own Vampire Knight, if I did...well, you know.**

* * *

><p>Zero realized, belatedly as usual, that what was happening was something that he couldn't quite counter on his own—this realization came when he found himself sitting down at the table, opposite of the golden hooded figure—and his legs were folding without his permission. He opened his mouth only to have it snap shut rather audibly.<p>

A quick glance to the left showed his father, King Rido, the crimson still burning bright in his eyes.

Now, having acknowledged it, Zero could feel the pureblood power crackling in the air. His father was lording over him in nearly every way possible. Panic set in, naturally, but as strong as he was, Zero could not fight it. This was his father—adopted father, yes—but his father nonetheless and there were bindings that had been made when the royal couple had adopted the twins.

It had been years since he'd felt the bonds so obviously, but Zero had honestly thought it wouldn't have come to a point like this again. He swallowed hard, wishing, willing and praying his voice would work.

It didn't.

Rido had made certain of that.

Zero watched, helplessly as the parchment was unrolled and words began to appear in magical script. King Rido took one of the quills, set it on fire and signed briefly on the bottom. He threw the burning quill into the golden bowl of water and handed the paper to the priest's boy. The young boy took the paper, gave a short bow and scuttled around to the other side of the table where he set the parchment down between the visiting diplomat couple.

Mimicking the king's actions, the husband took a long white quill from the table, set it on fire by the flame of the golden pillar candle and signed with a flourish on the bottom of the parchment. He threw the quill into the golden bowl with a little more force than necessary. His wife wearily cast a look towards him, but reached for a quill of her own and went through the motions has the men before her had done.

A ripple of soft silvery-blue energy glowed around the parchment, showing the document was legal, binding and most importantly—valid.

"It is my distinct pleasure to enter into such relations with your family." King Rido's voice was dark and rasping. "May the bonds be fruitful and the years prosperous."

The man sitting opposite inclined his head respectfully at a sharp elbowed jab to the stomach from his wife. "Of course. It is my great …pleasure, as well, to find our…families reconciled on this matter with this action."

"May the bonds be fruitful and the years prosperous." The woman intoned, the faintest hint of emotion in her voice as she sought her husband's hand to hold her own trembling fingers.

"May we proceed with the ceremony?" The priest inquired, politely.

At a nod from the officials present, the priest did.

Zero watched in horror as his right hand rose up from his lap to stretch across the table and meet the pale hand of the hooded figure across from him. The figure's right hand clasped Zero's right wrist and Zero did the same in return, finding himself wondering at the slender wrist and smooth, pale skin. He figured if, nothing else, the girl had to be pretty. Her hand was pretty at any rate and until he could bring this horrible mistake to life, he was glad to know that at least, a little bit of beauty would make the entire ordeal more tolerable.

The priest motioned the boy forward and the little lad came bearing a scarlet ribbon edged with gold and a gold ribbon edged with scarlet. The boy knotted them carefully together, then slid the ribbon beneath the stacked hands. He knotted the ends together into a perky little bow and backed away at a nod of approval from the priest.

"The vows shall be given and must be repeated." The elderly priest intoned. "I, with the power vested in me, to grant this bonding of souls, hearts and houses, am privileged to utter these vows for the young ones before me." He coughed, loudly. "I, Prince Kiryu from the house of his royal majesty, Rido Kuran, hereby pledge myself in marriage bond to Prince Kuran, from the house of his royal majesty, Haruka Kuran. I give myself to be joined in body, name, royal union and power, with the powers that be as witness, so help me."

Shock reverberated through his entire body and Zero screamed in his head, unable to do anything more. He tried to think of some way out of this mess, but his mind was stuck more on the fact that he was being held captive in the middle of a marriage bonding ceremony and worst of all—to a prince! He mentally fumbled, flailed and thrashed about, while his physical body simply remained perfectly still and calm in the face of a forever disaster.

And then it got worse.

Zero felt his mouth opening, his tongue working as his voice came back to him in the very worst way possible. He heard himself begin to speak, only able to watch Rido's swirling red eyes as he heard the words pass through his own lips. "I, Prince Kiryu from the house of his royal majesty, Rido Kuran, hereby pledge myself in marriage bond to Prince Kuran, from the house of his royal majesty, Haruka Kuran. I give myself to be joined in body, name, royal union and power, with the powers that be as witness, so help me."

If it were not for the physical bind holding him upright and in the most perfect of positions, Zero knew he would've fainted from sheer disbelief now, if nothing else. There had to be a limit on the amount of shock, an ex-human could tolerate and he wasn't sure how much more he could handle—pureblood influence or not.

As if sensing the turmoil swirling through his son's head, King Rido's level gaze abruptly broke contact with Haruka and fixed deliberately on Zero.

The silver-haired boy wished he could react. Just the fact that his breathing was perfectly even, his heart rate controlled and his face expressionless was beyond terrifying.

Zero hoped he'd live when he was beyond the chamber doors.

Rido's gaze flickered back to holding the piercing eyes of Haruka and his wife, Juri. The priest didn't even seem to notice that something had gone amiss, because he continued with the second half of the vows in his droll tone.

"Very good, Prince Kiryu. You shall be bound as you have spoken. Now then, repeat after me. I, Prince Kuran from the house of his royal majesty, Haruka Kuran, hereby pledge myself in marriage bond to Prince Kiryu, from the house of his royal majesty, Rido Kuran. I give myself to be joined in body, name, royal union and power, with the powers that be as witness, so help me."

The words were spoken and said.

The little priest boy moved forward, with two shiny rings in his hand.

Zero felt his left hand move of its own accord and thump onto the table. Prince Kuran's hand did the same.

The little priest boy calmly inserted matching rings on the appropriate fingers of each hand. Then, a small pot of black ink was set in the center of the table, just beside the clasped and ribbon-tied hands. Zero was surprised when a rich, violet cloak was suddenly settled over him, seeming a mirror image of the one worn by Prince Kuran. He wished he could squirm as the little boy's hands settled the cloak around him, checking the necktie and setting the hood just-so, allowing him to see the table—but not his new husband or the royals.

"It is now customary for the parents of the bonded to give their blessings." The priest intoned. The little boy scurried back to the priest's side.

King Rido reached into the golden bowl and selected a quill, shaking the water over the two hooded figures, once with a flick towards Prince Kuran, and second, with a flick towards Zero. He then dipped the quill in the ink and scribbled a few characters on the clasped hands and then on the ringed hands. He then lit the quill on fire once more and threw it into the bowl of water.

Haruka and Juri followed suit within a minute, elegant and clumsy scribbles covered the four hands of the newly betrothed couple.

"You may rise." The priest murmured.

Everyone did.

The princes a little more awkwardly, as their hands were still stretched across the table and it took some effort to maintain the distance and stand upright.

The little boy provided beautiful strips of shimmering ribbons and the adults took their time tying two strands apiece to the clasped hands. A rustic brown teapot was produced a moment later and after the priest had chanted a few words over it, he poured the warm, fragrant tea over the clasped and bound hands, into the golden bowl below.

"May the years be fruitful and prosperous between you." He murmured. "With the power within me as I am and these rituals having been properly fulfilled, I pronounce you wedded and bonded. You may-"

King Rido cleared his throat at roughly the same moment King Haruka did.

Queen Juri merely took a deliberate breath and fixed a rather deathly glare on the priestly figure.

The elderly man coughed, swallowing the usual phrase and reverting to a rather undignified mumble. "Ah, yes. Well, that is…all. I wish you…well. May your union be filled with…wedded bliss." The words were seemingly strangled from his throat as the priest gave a hasty bow and retreated, with a nudge to the little helper boy.

To his credit, the little boy inched forward and presented Zero with a lovely silver knife folded in velvet. "For the ribbons." He whispered, a faint blush on his cheeks. "Happy marriage."

Zero took the knife, feeling distinctly happy knowing that blade was of hunter origin. While he was not immune to it himself, his hunter nature would appreciate it far more than an item of vampire lore. It was a lovely detail.

He wondered—briefly—if he would have to give it back when his adopted father figured out he'd married off the wrong twin. Zero wished he could sigh, because it would express his current mixture of emotions and anger.

And then another thought slammed into the ex-human. Prince Kuran. Good heavens.

_Since when was Ichiru interested in men?_

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><p><strong>~*~*Thanks for reading~! Do leave a comment and let me know how you like this wacky story! ~*~*~*~*<br>**


	7. And You'll

**A/N: Hello, my dear readers! I hope your Christmas went well. Thank you very much for the lovely reviews, faves and alerts. We're almost to the Knighted Suite-WOOT!-so here's the drama leading up to it. I'm having fun working on their reactions, so the first conversation of our lovely boys is looming somewhere on the horizon.  
><strong>

**NOTE: Please remember that this fic features couples with multiple spouses(Polygamy/group marriage : i.e. IchiruxSaraxMaria). If you are offended by this in any way or disagree with such themes, then you are under no obligation to read this fic. I'm not taking a stance on it, I just think it makes this crazy story a little more fun.  
><strong>

**See first chapter for warnings, summary and disclaimer! I do not own Vampire Knight, if I did...well, you know.**

* * *

><p>Now, if he could just get out of the room and to see his tutor, Zero knew that nearly everything would be fine.<p>

_If. _

That pesky little word held his happiness and the world at bay.

Currently, he was in no real position to do much of anything and at the present, it was a little along the lines of impossible, seeing as he'd yet to regain control of his physical faculties and the royal families seemed to be discussing something or the other between them that was beginning to make Zero wish he had earplugs.

"…consummation of the marriage through…"

"…a blood obedience will not be necessary…no, I won't…"

"…as long as the vows are fulfilled…surely there is enough time? A week, at least?..."

Zero felt his face grow warm and knew for sure that he was blushing. He was glad for the heavy ceremonial cloak at that point and somewhat grateful to know that control was beginning to return to his own body. He hated it whenever any of his pureblooded parents pulled that dirty trick on him. It was the lowest of the low and his earlier fear had now given way to a rather hefty dose of anger. Oh, Rido was going to hear about this. How dare he mix the two of them up? And how dare he think to marry off Ichiru to a Prince when his twin was slated to marry the Queen's cousin in barely three weeks from now. And since when was his twin interested in both members of the opposite sex? Zero shook his head to clear it, reminding himself that a rather embarrassing conversation was slated for them somewhere in the future. He was not looking forward to it.

He was also not looking forward to the next few minutes when he would most certainly be able to speak and the entire past hours would come crashing down on his head.

Voices brought his musings to a halt as he realized the royal trio was now surveying the newly married couple—them.

"Ichiru," King Rido's voice was stern. "I expect you take care with Kaname as if he were one of your girls, Sara or Maria." There was a hint of steel in his voice that brooked no disobedience. "You will show him respect and care as he deserves." The king cleared his throat, somewhat uncomfortably. "Also, the vows which have been spoken must be fulfilled in every sense of the word. Royal union is the sacred ceremony which you have both participated in, the sharing or merging of your powers will take place at the two-month mark as all bonding unions decree, your names shall be appropriated for Kaname's sake, he will remain a Kuran, Ichiru, you will hyphenate yours to Kuran-Kiryu, as is your right for being the-"

"-The dominant partner in this union." Haruka interrupted, smoothly. "Rido, I ask your stay of peace in this matter, Kaname is my son and my…only son." The king swallowed hard. "Prince Ichiru, the final vow that you must validate is that of body. To consummate the marriage, you will have to sleep with my son. I understand that your preferences are partial to neither gender, I only ask that you do not allow your knowledge of whatever past feuds have been between our families to manifest itself in physical retribution to be exacted on my son in any form."

Zero found his voice still wouldn't respond to him.

Queen Juri stepped forward next, her gaze eternally pleading. "We have no right to ask, as he is…yours, in every way and form Prince Kiryu. But-" her eyes shimmered. "He is our son and I beg of you, please, do right by him."

Rido cleared his throat. "You have until the end of this week to ah, produce suitable evidence." He coughed. "The priest will verify it, as usual. If you need anything, well, actually, I suppose I can see that everything is arranged by the time you reach your rooms. The Knighted Suite will be at your disposal for this week, as usual."

Zero felt himself turning slightly green. The Knight Suite. Oh good grief. He knew what those rooms were for and knowing that Ichiru and Sara had spent more than their obligatory week there during the confirmation period did little to ease the queasy feeling in his stomach. This was certainly one royal muddle of a mess he'd stumbled into.

_Please, please, please, just let me survive and I swear I will never, ever, for the rest of my life, ever-_

The delirious half-thought was interrupted when his hand jerked forward again and Zero stumbled forward at his new husband's prompt. The golden-cloaked figure seemed to be glaring at him, but Zero couldn't quite tell—the hood was still up and hiding the majority of his new husband's face, well, save for the gorgeous expanse of pale white neck, just begging to be bitten.

Zero nearly choked.

_Bitten? _

He screamed inwardly at himself. How dare his thoughts start turning in a direction he hadn't ordered them?

King Rido cleared his throat. "Perhaps you require an escort?" His voice was stiff, formal and polite.

Zero knew that tone. He knew what it meant. He managed to shake his head, the very faintest of movements, all that his father would allow as an answer. The pureblood still hadn't lifted his hold on him. Zero scowled to himself, thinking that at least, his new husband had far more caring parents in terms that they'd at least thought it was enough to release the physical hold on their son.

The silver-haired prince stood, silently a moment longer, until his father got the message. At once, feeling returned to his limbs and somehow, Zero found himself standing outside the Knighted Suite with no inkling of how he'd managed to walk there. Of course, his father was pureblood and that probably explained everything.

_Probably._

Zero gulped.

The Knighted Suite was special in many ways, having been specially crafted for a newlywed couple to provide them with the most comfortable experience during the first year of their marriage. Granted, spending the first year there was simply for the sole purpose of producing a worthy heir.

It was only required for the couple to spend their wedding night within the magicked walls and then they were free to occupy any other chambers they desired. Ichiru and Sara had spent at least a month there and then, of course, had moved into their finished rooms. Of course, there were currently no new additions to the royal family—Prince Kuran aside and Shizuka's soon-to-be-announced little bundle of joy.

Zero gulped again.

A twinge of frustration registered as his bound wrist gave another sharp tug to the right. His new husband was impatient, it would seem. Zero tried to speak, but found that his voice hadn't returned yet.

_Oh whoop-de-doo._ He thought, darkly, jerking their bound hands back to the comfortable position between them and trying to remember what exactly it was that Ichiru had done to gain entrance to the sacred room.

It was magicked in more ways than Zero cared to know, with a large golden lion's head, being the symbol on the door. The ruby red eyes gleamed fiercely in the dimmed light of the palace corridors.

Zero wondered when the lights had dimmed.

He swallowed hard and lifted their bound hands up for inspection.

The red eyes flared with energy and then burned a deep, dark shade of green, before the golden jaw dropped open, revealing two sharp fangs. The memory returned and Zero grimaced, reaching up towards the closest fang, palm open.

His hand was jerked away again and this time, Zero jerked it back with a little more force than necessary. Using his other hand to grab their bound wrists, Zero used the gifted knife to prick his thumb and touching the resulting bead of bright red blood to both fangs. He'd accurately guessed that his new husband was not about to follow through on the ritual and not wanting to dig himself into a bigger hole than necessary by completing traditional rituals that he had no intention of validating.

There would certainly be hell risen and banished when his father discovered the mix-up and Zero tried to get his way out of the mess. It would be best if he followed all traditions with care—and made sure that they were not properly taken care of—well, mostly taken care of anyway.

A loud roar rang through the palace and Zero winced, wishing he could cover his ears, but knowing it would be far too insulting to the guardian lion if he did. The lion's head rose upwards, clicking into place above the impressive archway before the doors to the Knighted Suite creaked open.

Zero felt his stomach leap upwards to speak to his throat.

_Oh Joys. _

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><p><strong>AN: Thanks for reading. Poor Zero. How IS he going to get out of this mess? *snicker, snort* **


	8. Wish Yourself Back

**A/N: Hello, my dear readers! I hope your new year has started out wonderfully. Thank you very much for the lovely reviews, faves and alerts. To answer a few quick questions, Zero will be seme (at least at first, I don't know about later), since he is the dominant partner in their bonding. That said, yup-that Greedy Ichiru-2 wives and a husband, eh? LOL. Enjoy this chapter! and yes, the titles of the past two and this chappy read "Marry In Haste and You'll Wish Yourself Back" one of those famous marriage quotes. :P  
><strong>

**NOTE: Please remember that this fic features couples with multiple spouses(Polygamy/group marriage : i.e. IchiruxSaraxMaria) and includes Slash/Yaoi (boyxboy). If you are offended by this in any way or disagree with such themes, then you are under no obligation to read this fic. I'm not taking a stance on it, I just think it makes this crazy story a little more fun.  
><strong>

**See first chapter for warnings, summary and disclaimer! I do not own Vampire Knight, if I did...well, you know.**

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><p>Soothing scents of lavender and sandalwood teased his nostrils as the newly wedded and bonded couple entered into the Knighted Suite. Soft lights sprang to life, shimmering rows of candles beginning to light themselves along the walls as Zero felt his voice starting to return. That was good.<p>

That was wonderful.

His voice was probably the only thing that might save his sanity at this very moment. Zero gulped.

It was only at that minute that he realized the door had shut rather ominously behind them.

_Oh sugar snap._

The sound of the thick, solid doors echoed in the empty hall and Zero found himself wondering how what had seemed like such a small room had turned into such a large chamber. More lights began to flicker to life and Zero was finally able to make sense of the room. The Knighted Suite was far more awe-inspiring than he'd expected.

A vaguely Egyptian-esque atmosphere hung in the air as they stood at the foot of a smooth, marbled walkway leading up to a platform where a giant medallion bearing the Royal crest hung suspended from a thick chain. The walkway was lined with two visible raised beds on either side, bearing soft votive lighting all the way up to the medallion's platform. On the right side of the lovely walkway gauzy curtains of deep burgundy framed the way into a large, comfortable bed, liberally stocked with fat, white pillows. Matching nightstands on both sides of the bed held flickering candles, matching clocks and several pastel bottles and tubes.

The sound of running water drew the attention of both young men to the left where a large, in-ground pool seemed carved out of dark brown marble. The water was swirling, filled with fresh rose petals and a warm steam seemed to rise from the water, but freeze before it ever reached the walkway.

A shaky breath left his lips as Zero willed his brilliant mind to work.

His control worked better, now that the door had shut. Similarly, Kaname renewed his efforts to jerk his arm away. It was almost as if the pureblood hold was weakened with the barrier in place between them.

And then of course, it dissolved entirely.

"Ow, hey—watch it!" Zero yelped as they stumbled to the floor in a graceless tangle of arms, legs and fabric. "I said—stop!" His voice rang out, loudly in the empty suite and his new husband froze. Zero untangled himself with a huff and a touch of practiced grace, trying not to yank on their bound wrists any more than necessary. "You could've waited five seconds!" He snapped.

"Five seconds?" Kaname's rich, cultured voice graced his new bondmate's ears for the first time. "Wait? So you could get your filthy paws on my-!"

"Shut up and stand up!" Zero ground out, tossing his head so the thick hood would fall back. He jerked around and froze. He had expected several things and half of them were all fantasy. But he'd been wholly unprepared for the gorgeous face that glared back at him with hate visible in every pore of his aristocratic body.

Kaname was beautiful. The creamy, ivory skin was just as flawless on his face as it was on his neck and hands. The sloping curves of his cheeks, the point of his nose and those petal pink lips only served to further enhance an image made all the better by the bright fire flashing in those rich, burgundy orbs as the prince tossed a head of shimmering, chocolate-brown hair.

"See something you like?" The Kuran prince snarled. "You won't be touching any of it!" He gave another jerk, as if he'd like to storm off, but the necessity of their bound hands were currently keeping them in closer proximity than he liked.

"Quit that!" Zero jerked back, a little harder than he'd intended. Kaname half-stumbled into him and for a moment, Zero reached out a hand to steady him, surprised to find the body smaller than he'd expected under those fancy royal robes. Smaller and trembling—tremors that didn't stop, but that weren't up for discussion.

Kaname leapt away from the almost half-embrace as if he'd been burned, eyes wide and wild, the anger now simmering to an even more dangerous level. "Keep your-"

_Knife. There was a knife._ Zero thought, stupidly, fumbling with his formal wear. "Hold still so I can cut us loose!" He snapped.

Kaname froze then, quivering, like a trapped animal deciding whether a fight would prolong its life or only bring more misery. Almost as if it killed him, the pale youth deliberately stilled and lifted his head with a haughty look, turning to the side.

Zero rolled his eyes but fished out the silver knife, wondering how he'd managed not to cut himself on it yet. Kaname stiffened at the touch of the cool metal on their warm wrists. "It's just the knife, don't move." Zero soothed, working the blade back and forth to cut the stupid ribbons.

_Stupid traditions. Stupid situations. Stupid, stupid, stupid!_ He chided himself, silently, stifling the outward sigh of relief when the last ribbon gave way beneath the blade's insistence. To his complete surprise, Kaname whirled on him and gave a powerful shove that sent the silver-haired prince sprawling on the floor.

Zero blinked. _Ow_. That had hurt. He looked stupidly from his now aching elbow to the redness on his wrist that was now fading and the silver knife that had fallen a few feet away.

Kaname advanced on him the burgundy eyes bleeding into a familiar crimson. "Let's get one thing straight, you manipulating bastard." He hissed. "You can twist everything around just like your father and ruin my family for your stupid revenge, but I am not some well-bred bitch for you to experiment with or a toy for your pretty little wives! You'll regret the day you ever laid eyes on me! You'll wish you'd never heard of the Eastern side of your bloodline!" Kaname's thin, lovely hands had suddenly become dangerous as his fingernails lengthened into wicked claws. "You pervert! You think I'm some pathetic fool that I'd-!"

Okay. And now somehow, he had another headache, Zero mused, wearily. He'd have to stop this before it got out of hand. Really out of hand. "Um-"

"Silence!" Kaname roared, drawing closer. "You think I'm finished? You think that I've sat through my own parents selling me off as if—you know, if you'd never agreed to this, I wouldn't be here. They wouldn't have been put in such a position and this—regretful act would never have taken place."

Zero scooted backwards, his feet finding no purchase on the slick tile. He made a mental note to mention it to someone in the near future. Surely slippery floors were dangerous in a honeymooning suite—unless of course, said couple liked slippery floors. The silver-haired prince gulped. This was definitely a bad day to be Zero Kiryu.

Kaname streaked forward with a vicious slice of his claws only to recoil with a cry of agony. Angry red lines began to show on his perfect face and he stumbled backwards frantic eyes filled with horror.

Zero sighed, long and soft, slowly rising his to his feet, hands held out before him in as non-threatening a manner he could manage. He suddenly felt as if he were on one of Yagari's random training sessions where he'd been asked to coax some baby farm animal into a box with straw and a blanket. The memory was rather dim. But the eyes, Zero remembered the eyes. He swallowed hard again, working to keep his vampire instincts at bay and hoping that he'd succeed.

"You need to calm down." The Kiryu Prince managed, at last, eyeing the wary Kaname who half-circled around him. "And the door won't open until next week, so don't try anything stupid."

Kaname growled openly, daring him in a way that could not be ignored.

Zero's final thread snapped. He snapped around with a hint of his true vampire self, uncaring if his eyes began to bleed towards the dark nature he so often fought. "First off, let's get some things straight." Angry lavender eyes locked onto brimming crimson orbs. "One, I am not—I repeat—I am not interested in men!" A fierce blush painted across his face. "That includes you! And second, I'm not Ichiru."

Kaname stared at him, stupidly as if the revelation had just struck him between the eyes.

Zero huffed, feeling the fight beginning to leave him. Kaname was just as mixed up with the situation as he was. He had to at least give him the benefit of the doubt. It could be worse. "I'm his twin brother, Zero." He scowled, running a hand through his hair. "And when I get out of this mess, I hope I'm lucky enough to never see your face again!"

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><p><strong>~*~*~AN: And I'm such a tease. *sigh* They were SO close!~*~*~*~Thanks for reading!**~*~*~*


	9. Cabinets and Conversations

**A/N: Thank you very much for the lovely reviews, faves and alerts. I'm back in University so writing time is scarce once more. Zero and Kaname are going to have to talk things through pretty soon, but as ridiculous as this fic is, I'm trying to be a tad realistic as in they wouldn't really open up and talk with each other right away, so they're still in the I-want-to-rip-your-throat-out-phase. LOL. Enjoy! It'll get better (and worse and very, um, fun!). XD  
><strong>

**NOTE: Please remember that this fic features couples with multiple spouses(Polygamy/group marriage : i.e. IchiruxSaraxMaria) and includes Slash/Yaoi (boyxboy). If you are offended by this in any way or disagree with such themes, then you are under no obligation to read this fic. I'm not taking a stance on it, I just think it makes this crazy story a little more fun.  
><strong>

**See first chapter for warnings, summary and disclaimer! I do not own Vampire Knight, if I did...well, you know.**

* * *

><p>Kaname stood there, in front of the door, holding a hand to his injured, but healing cheek while Zero turned away and stalked off. Prince Kiryu stripped off his ceremonial cloak, the fancy overtunic and kicked off his pinching shoes. He scooped up the entire mess and the silver knife from the floor, moving on to explore the Knighted Suite quarters.<p>

He chose the right side of the bed and tossed his things atop the fluffy white comforter. He was relieved to note two small, private bathrooms with the missing amenities from the giant Jacuzzi pool on the opposite end of the suite. From there, he stepped inside and slammed the door behind him.

In the silence and new privacy of the room, Zero relaxed—a fraction—and went about the business of threading his earrings into their usual places. He ran warm water over a washcloth in the sink and tugged down the collar of his buttoned shirt to wipe away the make-up that was used to hide the taming tattoo that his tutor and training master had insisted upon. His parents hadn't cared either way—as with his piercings—with the only note that he was never to be seen with it in public. Zero sighed, leaning over the sink, his head hung.

He'd really done it this time. Screwed up from here to who knew where.

His mind was busy whirling as it often needed to and in his wonderfully delirious thinking, Zero decided that he needed help.

Help. Yes. Well, that would probably be more difficult than accepting the fact that he would most certainly need help, but then the image of the furious—and bleeding—prince replayed in his head and he grimaced, looking down at the smooth, enchanted ring on his finger. That was going to be his biggest problem.

He'd heard, read and learned all about enchanted bonding rings during history lessons with his tutor. It was something the addle-headed teacher couldn't stop rambling about and as a matter of course, the silver-haired prince had always ended up with an earful more of random trivia that he could never quite show off.

Zero popped open the bathroom cabinet, intending to take stock of what was available. He found a toothbrush and toothpaste and for lack of something ordinary to do, proceeded to brush his teeth. The semblance of normality was calming and he rinsed his mouth and replaced the items in their respective places.

Curiosity got the better of him as he bent to explore the cabinet beneath the bathroom sink and after a few moments of staring through the contents within, slammed the door and stood up straight.

His reflection blushed furiously back at him and Zero averted his gaze to the shower stall in the corner.

He was trying to pretend he hadn't just seen the entirely too obvious amenities beneath the bathroom sink—details such as flavored condoms, scented lube, shreddable underwear and, well, at that point, it had simply become embarrassing and Zero had shut the door in a hurry, trying to pretend he hadn't seen anything.

The sight of a twin-showerhead on the shower stall didn't really help.

Zero jerked back to the mirror and nearly fainted at his own red face. With a string of muttered words, he bent over the sink and turned on the taps to cold.

Splashing several handfuls of cool water on his face, Zero shut off the taps and swabbed his face dry with a white washcloth. Thinking back to the more normal things he'd been musing before. This was just…confusing. Yes, that was it. Confusing. He just had to think of normal things and then sort it all out from there. He could do that. He could definitely do that. Zero took a deep breath and slowly released it as he thought back to where his original train of musings had come before.

Rings.

Ah, yes, the rings.

The rings had triggered memories of school, long lessons with said tutor and of course, the tutor himself. He heaved a sigh and struggled to resist the impulse to bang his head on the lovely, tiled walls of the bathroom.

It might stem his frustration in the present, but the long-term ache was sure to grow worse the moment said person would appear in his immediate presence. Zero nibbled on his lower lip for a moment wondering exactly how he could wrangle his way out of it and how he ought to go about explaining his idea to the hot-tempered beauty.

He'd give Prince Kuran that, for all his angry words, attempted attack and rude ways, the boy was pretty enough to look at and Zero couldn't help a complimentary snicker to himself.

How lucky.

Even in the midst of his chaotic life, fate would have a sense of humor.

The memory of Kaname's bleeding face shocked him forward into action and Zero sighed, yanking out a fresh washcloth from the stack on the shelves above the toilet. He soaked it in lukewarm water and cautiously opened the door, using his vampire senses to tell exactly where the young man was.

Thankfully, Prince Kuran wasn't on the immediate side of the door and that was somewhat of a relief for dear Zero as he stepped out into the romantically prepared room.

A few careful moments of checking showed that the missing prince wasn't really missing and he wasn't really that far away. He stood on the opposite end of the large white sheeted bed and scowled at Zero as he emerged.

Zero moved to stand by his 'side' of the bed and for lack of anything civil to say, the princes glared at each other.

When that got old—which for Zero, was merely a matter of minutes—he attempted to break the silence.

"How's your er, face?"

Kaname's glower grew darker. "It's fine." He bit off. "No thanks to you!"

"I didn't do anything." Zero frowned. "You did that to yourself!"

"I did not!" Kaname said, hotly. "You were the one who-!"

Zero rolled his eyes, unable to help himself. "I didn't do anything. Everyone knows that in a marriage bond, the dom has certain protections attached—such as you not being allowed to attack me out of pure hate." His silvery brows knitted themselves together. The fact that the attack had been deflected was proof of the nature behind such an outburst. "You can if it's justified, but not for the sake of hurting me, when you do that—the bond transfers the feeling and whatever other junk to the inflictor." He shrugged. "You did it to yourself." The frown deepened. "Any other insults you'd like to share?"

Kaname did.

Zero was almost impressed. Almost. He scowled, expertly. "As much as that is…enlightening in regards to your opinion of me, I'm sorry, but I can't actually do that. It's physically impossible."

Kaname snorted.

Zero ignored him. He was remembering his earlier musings of a certain addled tutor. "We can't get out of the chamber without help." He tossed the wet washcloth to Kaname. "Clean up your face, it's annoying me."

The prince ducked away from the projectile and then stared at the soggy cloth when it dropped onto the dry blankets. He looked from the cloth to Zero with the faintest hint of confusion in his eyes before they became unreadable once more. "Help?" He scoffed. "If you think that even for a moment that I'm going to-"

"I'm going to get us out of here and you'll go along with my genius plan when I've put the finishing touches on it." Zero began to pace in a circle, hands clasped behind his back. "You _will_ follow my lead." There was the faintest touch of darkness in his voice and it made the Kuran prince stiffen. There was no room for argument there. "This never happened as far as I'm concerned, I don't want to be married, I wasn't planning on being married and least of all—to a guy!" Zero's voice rose slightly at that. "I have—things, I wanted to do with my life and you're-" he gestured towards Kaname. "-not part of them!"

Zero's pacing slowed to a stop. He sighed. "This is going to be so embarrassing." He moaned. "Ichiru will never let me live this down."

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><p><strong>~*~*~*Thanks for reading! Comment if you like.~*~*~*<strong>


	10. Truce?

**A/N: Thank you very much for the lovely reviews, faves and alerts! I'm glad you guys are loving this mismatched fic. To make up for the delay between chapters, this one is a tad longer and I'll get the action moving along pretty soon!  
><strong>

**NOTE: Please remember that this fic features couples with multiple spouses(Polygamy/group marriage : i.e. IchiruxSaraxMaria) and includes Slash/Yaoi (boyxboy). If you are offended by this in any way or disagree with such themes, then you are under no obligation to read this fic. I take no stance on it, I just think it makes this crazy story a little more fun.  
><strong>

**See first chapter for warnings, summary and disclaimer! I do not own Vampire Knight, if I did...well, you know.**

* * *

><p>His pacing drew to a halt and Zero returned to his original position on one side of the bed. His head snapped up at the sound of Kaname shuffling just across the other size of the blanketed square and he looked up to see the prince cradling the damp cloth against his injured cheek.<p>

"Why are you still holding your face? Didn't it heal yet?"

The words tumbled out of his mouth before he could double-check them and Zero mentally berated himself. It was safe to assume that his new partner was a vampire and possibly high leveled enough that self-healing wasn't something out of his realm. As far as he could recall of the Kuran line, they had to be respectable enough that a marriage was agreeable to his parents and in thoughts of his adoptive father, suddenly this sudden bit of news suddenly made more sense than before.

Kuran.

Rido Kuran.

King Haruka Kuran.

Kuran.

_Oh. My. Fang. _

Zero reached for one of the bedposts and curled his fingers tightly around the darkened rod of wood. He needed to hold something to keep himself steady. It took some more figuring out but his mind was brilliant and it did the calculations beautifully.

Rido and Haruka were brothers. He'd somehow known this, but hadn't drawn the exact connection until that very minute. For sure, he'd certainly never met this 'uncle' nor had his darling parents ever thought to mention anything of it. In fact, nothing was ever really said on the subject—it was almost taboo.

Zero stifled a shudder.

As far as he knew, the Eastern Clans had always had rather poor relations with the Western ones. Knowing that Rido brooked no stupidity from his own, it was no surprise that the Western end of things were run shipshape virtually every waking moment. Zero had known that the relations between both sides had deteriorated to the point where a war was possible to express the depth of the conflict between both sides.

He'd known it.

He'd studied it in lessons.

He'd listened when his father and mother argued over it at the dinner table.

He hadn't known it was his father fighting with his uncle.

He gulped.

No, he most definitely hadn't known that.

Whatever had possessed them to resort to an arranged marriage for the sake of—oh. So that's why Kaname had been so openly hostile. Oh. Zero blinked. Well. That certainly put a new spin on things.

Kaname glowered at him from across the bed, making no move to answer, the damp cloth still pressed firmly against his injured cheek. Zero met his glare for a moment and then finally, gave a sigh of long-suffering.

"Look, I just uh…I don't even—I didn't even know that you existed and if this is all something just because of our fathers, then surely we can work something out. Because I don't really, uh, hate you or the ah, Eastern Clans, honestly, I hardly even know much about what goes on over there and we don't cover it in-"

"Shut up! Just shut up!" Kaname growled, flinging the damp cloth away, his dark eyes flashing with dangerous hints of red. "You don't know anything about-"

"Because you haven't even thought that I'm worth the trouble of telling!" Zero shot back, his temper finally beginning to spark in earnest. "I've been trying my best not to be the jerk that you're projecting! Don't give me this kind of junk and then demand that—why isn't your face healing?"

"That's none of your business!" Kaname shouted.

"It is when your blood is practically floating through the air smelling so-!" Zero broke off abruptly before his mouth said more than he could've helped. His vampire side was a very well-kept secret for the Western Royals and he'd all but practically screamed it out in the face of his new unofficial husband. He swallowed hard.

Kaname was staring at him incredulously as if trying to connect the dots that Zero hadn't.

"Look, Father's probably going to kill me once he figures out I'm not Ichiru. Mortally wound me, at least." Zero said, matter-of-factly. "I'll try to make sure it doesn't filter down to you, but he isn't going to be happy. We'll probably have to spend at least tonight here, because I don't think I can really come up with something any quicker than I have already." He eyed the dark-haired boy wearily. "Truce for the moment?" He suggested, tentatively. "I'm really fed up of trying explain what you don't want to hear and I really need to think, because you seriously won't be able to do a thing to get us out of here. You don't live here and I do—this castle is practically alive." He sighed and then, with a huff climbed onto his half of the bed and sprawled out, tucking his hands behind his head and staring up at the veiled canopy to the vaulted ceiling overhead. His eyelids began to slide shut as his lavender eyes burned bright.

A tense silence hung over head for a moment and then Zero popped open one eye to look at Kaname. "Don't get any ideas, wise-guy."

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><p>Kaname didn't know what to make of him.<p>

No, he really didn't know what to make of him.

At first, he'd been ready to rip the idiotic prince apart.

That was before the first bombshell had registered.

The first one was the dealbreaker.

Twins? Kaname had been sent reeling. Of all the things he knew of the Western Clan, of all the things that his father had shared, no one had ever breathed a word about twins? He hadn't been able to help himself, he'd seen red, so he'd reacted the only way he'd conditioned himself. He'd attacked.

That stupid prince had ruined his entire family for the sake of what, political gain for his King?

Yes, Kaname was beyond angry.

That is, until he'd tried to sink his claws and fangs into that too-innocent face and—must he admit it—that delectable body? It had taken him a minute to figure out what was happening. Pain had exploded through his entire body and the familiar scent of his own blood had immediately filled the air, before he realized that the angry red slashes on his face were just that. Slashes. Bloody slashes. Blood that was now painted on the sleeves of his wedding outfit.

Kaname backed away in horror, barely registering the Kiryu prince's words. When the next bombshell had come, it was the sound of absolute loathing and distaste when said Kiryu prince declared that he was not interested in men. Kaname had felt a sudden pain stab through his chest. The ceremony had been binding in virtually every way—according to King Rido's agreements with his father, Haruka to keep the peace between them—he, the esteemed Kaname Kuran, had been turned into a sacrifice. One that would not even be accepted—while he certainly didn't care to go through with any of it, he hadn't expected such vehement outward and deliberate rejection.

With a huff, Kaname drew himself up, circling the fallen Kiryu prince on the cold tiled floor.

The following minutes had only served to confuse him.

Zero Kiryu had managed to stomp off to the bathroom and when he'd returned, Kaname had found himself reeling again. There was nothing innocent about this Kiryu Prince, an angry black tattoo was along the left side of his neck, in a familiar pattern that Kaname couldn't quite recall. Then there'd been the earrings. Bright silver earrings that had adorned each ear, a skull shaped ear cuff on one had caused a rather cold feeling to settle into his stomach as Kaname realized that this twin was not what he'd been told to expect at all.

Something about this prince, screamed rebel.

He stifled a shudder.

And then somehow, there had been more conversation and Kaname wasn't able to shake the shock that had settled over him. The hate had morphed into a deliberate sense of loathing and suddenly, he didn't care anymore. If the idiot silverhead was dead, then most of his problems would be solved right?

Then of course, the silverhead had gone and asked why his face hadn't healed yet.

Kaname didn't have an answer to that. He wanted to know too. It hurt—and it was still bleeding rather sluggishly, even as he forced himself to focus on healing the slash and directed his pureblooded powers there. He had hated the moment where his parents had agreed to bind him for the sake of safety for his new husband. He'd hated the feeling of the ancient powers forcefully binding and suppressing the very force that made him who he truly was.

There hadn't been anything he could do.

He'd been robbed of speech, will and power, dressed like a doll and presented as a sacrifice for the greater good of his clan.

And now, his new 'husband' was treating him somewhat like a child and acting like…well, acting like what, Kaname didn't really know. He found himself swallowing hard when at one point, Zero threw himself on the bed and settled in for a nap, with only one warning directed towards him.

Kaname hadn't answered.

* * *

><p>"Rido?" Shizuka hummed, trotting into the sitting room outside of their present quarters. She was pleased to find him lounging on the sitting couch before the fireplace, with a fat wine goblet in hand, staring into the flickering flames. "Darling!" She cooed, gliding easily across the carpeted floors and draping herself elegantly over the occupied section of couch, snuggling up to her mate's side when he lifted one arm for her to cuddle close.<p>

"Izzy." He returned, turning to press a kiss to the side of her brow. "What did the healers say?"

"They say I am fine and all will be well." She smirked. "I told you so."

He butted her head, gently. "Gloating does not become you, my dear." He took a sip of wine.

She pouted. "Rido…Riddy, no fair! You know I can't drink that now."

He smirked. "Then I'm having your share for you." He chuckled. "Surely you cannot begrudge me a drink." There was a weary sigh as his earlier scowl resurfaced.

His lovely wife, perceptive as ever, straightened, slightly, her pink eyes lighting with understanding. "Was the ceremony that bad?"

"It would've been better if you were there." He murmured, taking another sip.

"Mmm, so it was?" She shook her head. "Ichiru complained? I'll scold him later, if you like." A soft smile settled on her face. "He really is a sweeting."

"On the contrary—he fought me tooth and nail!" Rido snapped. "I thought you warned him the consequences of-"

"Tooth and nail?" Shizuka blinked. "Ichiru doesn't—wait, I warned him of what?"

Her husband's confused eyes flickered to her expression of disbelief. "You said you'd explain the entire mess so I could focus on the binding of the ceremony and to keep from-"

"Wait." Shizuka placed a finger to his lips. "Riddy…Rido, love, I said no such thing."

Rido blinked. "Pardon?"

"You mean he just showed up and you…oh dear." Shizuka sat up, pulling away from the warm embrace. Her mind was whirling a million moments together and she didn't like the result that came along.

"Shizuka?" He straightened, setting the goblet down on the end table beside the sofa. "What are you—please tell me, I am not missing something here."

"You are not missing something here." She parroted, obediently.

"Shizuka!"

"What?" She glared at him. "I don't want to think about this!"

"Think about what, Mother?" Ichiru stuck his head through the archway of the sitting room, tugging Sara into view from behind him. "Mother, Father."

"Ichiru?" Twin voices of disbelief registered and the royal couple was on their feet in seconds.

"My fangs." Shizuka breathed. "Rido, I swear I'm going to kill you."

"Tomorrow, dear." He heard himself say. "Ichiru, how did you—the chambers are charmed!"

"I'll tear you to pieces, burn you and then kill you!" Shizuka shrieked. "If you've hurt one hair on my baby boy-!" She whirled around, a flicker of madness in her pale pink eyes. "I swear, Rido, I'll kill you, if he's hurt."

"Kill who?" Ichiru took a step into the room, moving to shield his wife with his body. "Father, what's going on here?"

"You're not supposed to be here!" Shizuka whirled on him. "You're-!"

At that moment, King Rido decided that his day was complete. There was absolutely nothing left that could go wrong.

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><p><strong>AN: Yay-Kaname's POV and then Rido's bad say and Shizuka is absolutely, MAD, isn't she? *cackles* Just you wait, my lovlies... **

**~*~*Thanks for reading, review, if you can! ~*~***


	11. Pigeons and Lizards

**A/N: Thank you very much for the lovely reviews, faves and alerts! I'm glad you guys are loving this mismatched fic. I'd like to remind that this chapter is probably real close to the 'pure crack' warning I' mentioned in the first chappy. Just be warned. LOL. But at least Kaname and Zero are talking, yes? Enjoy!  
><strong>

**NOTE: Please remember that this fic features couples with multiple spouses(Polygamy/group marriage : i.e. IchiruxSaraxMaria) and includes Slash/Yaoi (boyxboy). If you are offended by this in any way or disagree with such themes, then you are under no obligation to read this fic. I take no stance on it, I just think it makes this crazy story a little more fun.  
><strong>

**See first chapter for warnings, summary and disclaimer! I do not own Vampire Knight, if I did...well, you know.**

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><p>Ichiru had excused himself when his parents had gotten into a shouting match. He'd grabbed Sara and the two had made their escape to safer places. He'd then allowed her to lead him to their private chambers and then he'd taken to pacing the length of the room before their bed, while his wife decided on what to wear to bed.<p>

"Ichy, how about this one?" She held up two silken nightgowns, awaiting her husband's usual reaction.

The pacing human waved a hand faintly in her direction. "That one's fine." He didn't look up.

She scowled.

He didn't notice.

She returned the two to the dresser drawers and selected another specimen—one with more lace and less straps. "How about this one?"

"This is bad." He said, at last. "I don't like this at all, it feels as if I'm missing something that…" He frowned, biting his lip. "You don't suppose, I mean, it's not like they would, right?"

There was no answer.

"Sara!"

"Fine!" The pureblooded princess huffed. "They wouldn't do whatever it is that you think they wouldn't do, happy?"

"No!" He pouted at her.

She rolled her eyes. "How about this one?" She asked, pointedly.

He ignored her in favor of pacing once more. "If they did, then that would explain, but then that doesn't explain anything at all and what's wrong with me being anywhere? There wasn't anywhere else I was supposed to be, was there?"

"In bed, with me?" His wife suggested. She balled up the latest specimen and stuffed it back into a drawer. "I need to go shopping."

"Mmm? No, not this week."

"Ichy!"

"Too dangerous, they have patrols on west side and there were mentions of some rouge vampires out and about." A moment of coherence seemed to have slipped through. He fixed her with a pale lavender eye. "You're not going."

"But-!"

"You can go next week if you want or order online. I don't care. I don't want you out there."

"But, Ichy, I haven't got a single thing to wear and-"

He sighed and turned, crossing the room to gather her easily into his arms. He pressed a kiss to the tip of her nose and then to her forehead. "Promise me you won't go out there and you won't go sneaking about when you know danger's afoot."

She pouted.

He nuzzled her ear.

"Fine."

"Sara…"

"I promise."

"Good girl." He kissed her for her troubles and held her tight for a moment.

"But I really don't have anything to wear." Her voice was muffled in his chest.

He smirked, wickedly. "Then don't wear anything at all. Saves me the trouble of ripping it off."

A squeal came from the formerly subdued armful and Sara leapt free of his arms to make a beeline for the bathroom. He watched her go with some inkling of amusement, knowing that she'd be busy for at least the next hour with creams, perfumes and the like. A quiet sigh left his lips.

That was one thing taken care of.

He moved to the chamber doors and stepped outside into the hallway. A quiet whistle brought a large, shaggy dog to him and he rubbed the head vigorously. "I need you to take a message to Zero for me." He told the dog. It whined in response. "You don't know where he is?" Another whine. "Well, that can't be good. Have you seen him at all today?" No answer. Ichiru sighed. "Okay, did you see him this morning." The head shook. "This noon?" The head shook. "This afternoon?" The head shook again. "This evening?" A short bark. "Good boy, take me there?"

Ichiru followed the dog through the darkened hallways of the castle, forcing a few smiles as he passed the stationed night sentries. He stopped dead in his tracks when he realized the hallway that the dog had chosen. He stood, riveted as the dog approached the massive golden doors and pawed for a moment, then retreated.

The Kiryu prince was sure to keep out of sight of the two night guards that stood watch beside the doors. He gulped and signaled the dog to retreat, grateful when the mutt did as he ordered without a scene.

The honeymoon suite.

This was really bad news!

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><p>Zero roused himself from the light nap, stretching and yawning comfortably in the softness around him. A tantalizing scent wafted through the air and he sniffed appreciatively before the rest of his senses caught up with him. He sat bolt upright, startling the second occupant of the room and leading to renewed tension in the air.<p>

"Kuran." He managed.

"Kiryu." The other spat.

They glared at each other for a few minutes and then Zero looked away. His face brightened seconds later. "I've got it!" He scooted off the bed and started towards the center of the room.

Kaname's glower wavered and he inched back towards the built-in inground pool as the silver-headed boy approached.

"Oh get off it." Zero snapped. "It has zip to do with you." He stood in the center of the room and then squinted up at the domed ceiling. "You know, it never fails to amaze me that there is never a shortage of pigeons in this castle."

Kaname blinked. "What-?" The confusion verbalized itself before he could help it.

"Pigeon." Zero repeated. "There's got to be one in here for messages, at least one." He continued to squint up at the ceiling and then a wide grin spread across his face. "There! Right there!" He pointed. "Now to knock it down."

Kaname gaped. There really wasn't anything he could say or do to such madness—or was it blatant insanity?

Zero whirled around and trotted over to his bathroom. He emerged seconds later with his arms filled with small toiletries. He set the armful down on the floor near the center of the room and then picked up a small bottle. He squinted upwards and reared back, chucking the little thing up into the air.

Nothing happened.

It fell down and so did Zero's happy face.

He sighed and chose another item, repeating his actions until nearly everything had been used.

Kaname's curiosity finally got the better of him. "What are you doing?"

"Trying to get a pigeon so I can send a message." Zero scowled at him. "What does it look like I'm doing?"

"Randomly throwing things into the ceiling to see if they'll hit you on the head."

The boys glowered at each other for another long moment and then Zero sat down on the floor.

"How do you send messages back home?"

"What?"

"Just answer the stupid question, idiot."

"My name is Kaname!"

"Well, it's not like you're calling me Zero and I'd rather not be on a first-name basis with you right now." He huffed. "If you in your happy little castle back home, how do you send a message to someone else in the castle?"

"You use a lizard."

Zero blinked. "You what-?"

Kaname rolled his eyes. "A lizard." He drew out a silver lizard pendant from his inner tunic and held it up for display. "You write a message, stick it in the mouth and will the recipient to receive it."

Zero's violet eyes grew wide and round. "No kidding!" He breathed. "That's genius."

A pleased flush crept onto Kaname's face. "Well, we have our moments." He said, airily. "How do you send messages?"

"By pigeon." Zero gestured to the dome. "There's a carved pigeon in one of the stones up there. You knock it down and write your message on it, address it to the correct person and they get the message."

"Sounds confusing."

"It isn't, really. Usually, they're hidden in plain sight or in the hallways and whatever. I'm guessing since communication in here shouldn't happen out there, this one is really well hidden."

"Ha. Of course."

Silence reigned for a moment.

"Your parents aren't going to listen to you." Kaname ventured. "It's a waste of time."

Zero rolled his eyes. "Like I'd be writing to them." He snorted. "I'd be writing to someone that'd get me out of here." A sense of wistfulness flickered through Kaname's pale features. "Don't you have someone like that?"

The emotion was gone almost as quickly as it had come. "I wouldn't involve other innocent parties in a problem that had nothing to do with-"

"Yeah, yeah, shut up and whatever. I don't care. I intend to get out of here and out of this-" he gestured between them "before my life goes completely-!" He mimicked and explosion and then shot up to his feet, a new projectile in hand.

"I doubt your twin would be of much help." Kaname sniped.

"Good thing I'm not calling him then, huh?" Zero retorted. "Got a good throwing arm?"

"What?"

"It's up there. Just take something and throw it."

"And I'd listen to you because…?"

"Because you'd like to get out of this room without having to do it the right way?"

"What?"

"Because you probably don't want to have sex with me."

Kaname choked.

Zero blushed a bright red as if he couldn't believe those particular words had left his own mouth. "Er, I meant." He stammered.

"I know what you meant." Kaname growled. A healthy pink flush dusted his own cheeks as he bent down and scooped up a few of the small bottles and squinted upwards. "And that's incentive enough!"

They threw the items upwards for several long minutes before Kaname finally threw up his hands. "This isn't working."

"Try harder."

"I've tried hard enough."

"Suit yourself."

"I intend to." He glowered at the other boy, moving away and crossing his arms over his chest.

"Great, now you're going to sulk?"

"Shut up!"

"I would, if I could get out of here. I am not going to spend a single night in this-!"

"Why don't you levitate something up there and knock it loose?"

"What?"

Kaname rolled his eyes. "Never mind. I forgot. You're not a vampire."

Zero blinked.

The dark-haired prince uncrossed his arms and shuffled over, standing directly behind Zero and leaning forward over his shoulder to follow his exact line of sight.

"Whoa! What do you think you're doing?" Zero sputtered, he spasmed forward, but Kaname caught him quickly and moved forward to keep them together.

"Just shut up and stand still!" He growled, irritably. "I forgot you were just human."

"Hey!"

"Get over it." The pureblood ground out. "My powers were forcibly reduced and sealed so that I wouldn't be a danger to you." The dark eyes flashed a shade of red. "I still have some of them though."

Zero gulped.

"Throw one of those stupid bottles so I can check something."

"What are you checking?" Zero asked, nervously. He was having a hard time pretending that being so close to a rather attractive and powerful creature had no effect on him. It had a rather large effect. A rather hard one too.

"You." Kaname rolled his eyes. "The pigeon, idiot. What else?" He seemed to resist the urge to add something else to that sentence. "Hurry up and throw the thing!"

It worked.

Zero threw a little bottle of mouthwash and Kaname telepathically slammed it into the appropriate ceiling tile.

A square shaped slice of ceramic fell into Zero's outstretched hand. Roughly about four-inches on all sides, a black and gold image of a pigeon was burned onto the center of it.

"Now what?"

"Now I write." Zero looked around. "Where'd that knife go?"

Kaname held a hand out and the knife came flying into his palm, hilt first.

Zero twitched at the sound and took it from him a little sharper than necessary. "Show off."

Kaname snorted. "Who are you going to write? That twin of yours?"

"Tempting, but no. I'll strangle him on site when I see him." Zero began to carve his message on the surface of the tile.

"Who is Grandmaster…Cross?" Kaname read over his shoulder.

Zero glared at him. "Do you have to do that?"

Kaname shrugged, innocently.

"Grandmaster Cross is our resident wizard." He rolled his eyes. "Wizard, mage, magician, whatever you want to call it. He owes me and he'll get us out of here—hopefully before our parents figure out the switch-up."

"Grandmaster?" Kaname repeated.

"He thinks it's a cool title."

And for Kaname, there wasn't anything he could say to that.

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><p><strong>AN: Ha...pigeons and lizards. Argh. I have no clue where all of that came from, but it sure made sense for the rest of what little plot this fic has, so it stays. Bet Kaname had a good throwing arm though, huh? At least Zero got to see him in a-c-t-i-o-n. :P Thanks for reading! Leave a comment if you like. Cheers!**


	12. Preparations for Escape

**A/N: Thank you very much for the lovely reviews, faves and alerts! Sorry for the long wait between chapters. Uni keeps me way too busy to work on all the fics I want to. :( Oh well. Here's some more plot stuffs before I can get to the KanaZe goodness.  
><strong>

**See first chapter for warnings, summary and disclaimer! I do not own Vampire Knight, if I did...well, you know.**

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><p>"How long does it take to work?" Kaname had retreated to the bed while Zero began to clean up the mess of little toiletries. He was mildly impressed that nothing had broken or shattered through the ordeal, but perhaps the room was charmed or something to keep the occupants from exacting physical harm upon on another.<p>

"Not long."

"Which is?"

"He'll come as soon as he reads the tile."

"Which will be-"

Zero emerged from the bathroom, stifling a yawn. "Any time about now."

"Now?" Kaname repeated, incredulous. "And if we couldn't get out, how do you suppose he'll get in?"

"He'll get in because he's an idiot and rules don't apply to idiots. It's a magical room with certain conditions that must be satisfied in order to release the occupants." Zero rolled his eyes. "Sheesh, don't you know anything?"

Kaname glowered at him.

"Er, right. Sorry." Zero looked away. "What did your people do then?"

"None of this kind of nonsense." Kaname threw back.

"Right." Zero sighed, approaching the bed. "Move over."

The dark-haired prince eyed him for a moment and then scooted over a few inches.

A mere few inches.

Zero blinked. "If you don't want me to sit in your lap-" he began.

The burgundy eyes grew wide and round and Kaname all but scrambled off the bed, perching precariously on the very end of his edge.

"Thank you." Zero clambered onto his side and kept a respectful distance away, hugging his own edge on the bed and scowling at the center of the room. Usually it didn't take that grandmasting idiot very long to-

A plume of white and purple smoke poofed into existence in the center of the room.

Brightly colored purple, silver, blue and gold ceremonial robes clothed the golden-haired figure who held an exquisite, flowered fan in one delicately fingered hand. A pair of round, silver-framed glasses gleamed in the flickering, soft light of the Knighted Suite. The only odd decoration from what looks to be a person of tremendous power, is the ratty, old shawl of green knit wrapped around the slender shoulders. It doesn't belong with the finery and beauty of the rest of the official wizarding robes, but the wizard himself, is beaming quite cheerfully.

"Took you long enough, old man." Zero grumped. He slid off the bed and padded towards the newcomer. "First, I'm going to explain and then you're going to fix it, okay?"

"Ah, Zero-kun!" The prestigious figure dissolved into a vivacious and child-like being. "I haven't seen you since-"

"Be quiet! Weren't you listening?"

"-the induction ceremony for the new knightships and-"

"Grandmaster Cross!" Zero exclaims, thoroughly exasperated. "Just fix this!" He thrusts his newly ringed hand right into the older man's face, with an expression that can only be interpreted as this is his last effort.

Grandmaster Cross blinked and stared at the hand for a long minute and then he smirked. "Congratulations on your bonding, your highness. I deeply regret missing the ceremony."

Zero hauls off and slugs him—or rather, tries to. His punch glances harmlessly off an invisible shield formed around the ridiculous man. "That's not the only thing you'll regret, you empty-headed-!"

"Now, now, Zero." The wizard cooed. "Calm down. All this adrenaline can't be good for-"

"Father thought I was Ichiru!"

The exclamation made the temperature drop several degrees as all traces of mirth left the Grandmaster's face. He straightened at once, honey-gold eyes drilling straight through the silver-haired prince. "I beg your pardon?" The voice is stiff and cold.

Zero has the nerve to roll his eyes. "It was a mistake." He threw up his hands and turned his shoulder to the wizard. "I had a run-in…before my last feeding. Father saw me with Mother and…it kind of went out of hand."

The Grandmaster perked a brow. "Really?" The ice had yet to melt from his no-nonsense tone.

"Really." Zero verified, pained. "I slept it off and Mother came and insisted that I apologize. Apparently Ichiru had something to do too, so he turned up just as I was going to interrupt Father's meeting. Then Sara showed up and well, they ahd a bit of a tiff and he went after her and told me to give his apologies to Father." Zero shrugged, helplessly. "I opened the door and walked right into this!" He gestured between himself, Kaname lounging on the bed and the Knighted suite in general. "He held me under, Grandmaster." The pain etched itself into the pale features. "He held me under and I couldn't fight it. I didn't have the chance to explain or even try to protest, nothing! It was out of my control."

"Really?"

"If it had been Ichiru, he wouldn't have even registered the fact that there was an option!" Zero snarled. "He's human! Hunter human—and he never would've noticed."

"I see." The Grandmaster's tone softened, faintly. "What ceremony was used?"

Zero relaxed a fraction of an inch. "A Royal Union." He rubbed his face. "But we haven't done anything. I haven't laid a finger on him, I swear!"

"No fingers? How about anything else?"

Zero blushed a delightfully delicious shade of red and pink. "You-!" He hissed.

"Now, now!" The Grandmaster held up his hands in a placating fashion. "I do not mean anything by it, your highness." He said smoothly. "What else? Do not leave anything out! Were you bound by ribbon?"

"Of course!" Zero spat. "I said it was the Royal Union, didn't I?" He snorted. "Of course we were bound by ribbon and they did that stuff with the quills too."

"The Quilled Spirits on parchment?" The Grandmaster frowned, deeply. That was not good at all. "What was the wording?" Zero blinked. "What was the wording, Zero?" The man demanded, immediately forgoing any kind of title.

"It…I…what do you mean?" Zero stammered.

"How did they marry you? Did you take Ichiriu's name in that state?"

"N-no. I said Prince Kiryu."

The Grandmaster swore quite colorfully.

Zero blinked. "Sir?"

"And the blood ritual for the door?"

"I used a knife and fed both fangs." Zero said, quickly. "I know that much."

"Do you?" The Grandmaster said, dangerously. "Then why can I still scent blood that is not yours in-"

"Oh." Zero brightened. "I didn't do that, he did." He gave a jerk of his thumb over one shoulder to the pouting Kaname still lounging on the bed, eyeing them with a wary gaze. "He tried to attack me."

A strange shade of shadow greyed over the wizard's face. "Your bonded actually dared to try to attack you?"

"It was an accident." Zero shrugged. "He thought I was Ichiru."

"Did he now?"

"I don't blame him." Zero shrugged again. "Ichiru can be a pain."

"So you see nothing wrong with-"

"If you were thrown into a situation like that and told you had to-"

"That does not excuse his behavior nor does it explain why he is still…bleeding." The Grandmaster frowned. "Then again, I suppose that is good."

"Good?" Kaname burst out, scrambling off the bed and blurring over to them in a heartbeat.

"Yes." The Grandmaster met the furious burgundy gaze head on. "You'll simply have to live with that for right now. We can't heal it without causing some trouble." HE frowned at Zero. "Can you be trusted?"

Lavender eyes narrowed and darkened. "You forget yourself, Wizard." He spat.

The Grandmaster smirked. "That I do not." He said, matter-of-factly. "Now then I'll need to borrow a few things off of you gentlemen, so please do not fight me." A slender silver wand was produced from one voluminous sleeve and he waved it in a few patterns before both boys. Both started rather violently at the intimate intrusions as the tingle of magical energy ran all over them and forcefully extracted the necessary fluids. Four vials materialized in the wizard's hand. "Go and stand by the doors and be ready to leave the moment the doors open. You'll have to get out of here and I'll handle the rest until it can be sorted."

"Where should I go?" Zero was already trotting towards the door. "Where is Ichiru? Can we transfer it?"

"It is almost breakfast time." The Grandmaster mused. "He is probably readying himself for breakfast, if you wish to breach his private quarters."

"And see her royal highness with a bedhead, no thanks." Zero shuddered. "I'd be scarred for life."

Kaname snorted.

Zero ignored him.

"Find him how you usually do." The Grandmaster interrupted. His frown remained. "And Zero—do be careful." The honey-gold eyes glittered, meaningfully. "If you cannot control yourself, then even I cannot magic you out of this mess."

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading!<strong>


	13. Breakfast With The Kiryus'

**A/N: Thank you very much for the lovely reviews, faves and alerts! Welcome to the new readers. I'm glad you like this ridiculously silly fic. I hope you enjoy this chapter. (It is quite ridiculous, trust me!) and there's going to be pouncing, erm, I mean, well, general smexiness coming up next chapter. I'm out of University for the summer, so hopefully I have more writing time on my hands to balance all my currently running fics. Enjoy the read!  
><strong>

**See first chapter for warnings, summary and disclaimer! I do not own Vampire Knight, if I did...well, you know.**

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><p>The minute the doors clicked open, two heads of mismatched hair bolted from the famed Knighted Suite.<p>

The Grandmaster's words echoed ominously in the silver-haired prince's head as he settled into an easy run, instinct and familiarity allowing him to cut corners and take short cuts towards his twin's private suite on the other end of the castle away from the wretched honeymoon quarters. The wizard had halted them long enough to place a tiny magical seal over the sluggishly bleeding cut on Kaname's face. It had stopped the bleeding and projected the appearance of flawless skin. He'd explained that they'd need Ichiru before he could heal the wound completely and urged them to hurry.

So they had.

As they ran, Zero was relieved to notice that there were no waiting guards outside the room and he made at once, for Ichiru's private quarters, the section apart from his personal shared rooms. Ichiru often resided there when he wanted some privacy away from his wife, and they were specifically magicked to keep the lovely Sara out of them. Zero had been eternally grateful for that detail, it had helped him to get used to the fact that his twin was now shared and it had helped him to accept that they would still always be together, with the shared brotherhood between them.

Kaname kept up easily with his long strides and mirrored his movements fairly well as Zero ducked and dodged down some of the secret passageways he hadn't used in weeks. He was relieved to note that they were dust free that was good, it meant that the maids were keeping up. Zero sighed, trying to think of what he ought to say when he arrived in Ichiru's sitting room. He always met with his twin there and it would work, if they were on time. If they were not…

The silver-haired prince shook his head. He didn't want to even go there. They had to be on time.

He skidded around the corner and immediately put up a hand to snap back and slam his husband—no—Prince Kuran!—against the wall, as a guard shuffled from one end of the doorway to the other. He jerked around at the sharp pinch on his arm to see a glowering Kaname and swallowed hard, exaggeratedly moving his arm away from the prince's chest and gesturing towards the armed guard in the walkway of where they'd have burst out into, a moment sooner.

Kaname's glower didn't waver, but it did darken and he folded his arms across his chest, waiting, quite obviously for Zero to think of some other brilliant plan.

Zero rolled his eyes and turned back to watching the guards. He tried to guess at what to do and finally settled for a low whistle to call the dog that he shared between his twin. The mutt was virtually nameless, but for the moment, it answered to the whistles of both royal twins and that was enough. Between him and Ichiru, Zero had managed to keep the thing as pet and as long as their parents didn't catch wind of it—though he was sure they knew—the mutt could stay.

The dog's arrival was distraction enough for the guards and Zero launched himself across the hallway and to the other side, pausing only long enough to press his royal ring, bearing his personal seal, to the magicked panel on the bedroom door and burst inside, turning around quick enough to yank Kaname in after him.

The door was shut in quick order and both young men stood, panting and half-glaring at each other. Zero put a finger to his lips, signaling quiet, ignoring the fact that Kaname rolled those gorgeous burgundy eyes at him instead and focused on listening for any hint of his twin being 'home'. A moment later, he swore softly beneath his breath.

"What?" Kaname ground out, the burgundy eyes now glaring daggers at him.

Zero mentally assigned the look as a prize expression if the Kuran prince ever wanted to get into a staring contest. It would certainly scare his opponents senseless. "He's already left. If he was here, he would've come already." Zero resisted the urge to punch something—or someone and after a few quick thoughts, he lunged for the door again, pausing to grab Kaname's hand and yank him up from the plush armchair he'd just claimed. "Come on!"

"Ow, what?" Kaname jerked back, but Zero was already running down the corridor and the forward momentum had the Kuran prince stumbling after the silver-haired beauty. He scowled darkly and broke into a jog to keep up.

* * *

><p>"Now listen here!" Zero said, harshly. "Don't you dare give anything away!"<p>

"As you need any help doing that." Kaname shot back. He rubbed his wrist where the prince Kiryu'd had an unnaturally strong grip. Much stronger than a human, anyhow, and there was just enough of something off that it rubbed the pureblood in the wrong way. He filed the detail away for later perusal, for the moment, circumstance ditacted that he remain in the present and very much engaged with the present.

A warm flush spread over his cheeks and with supreme effort, the pureblooded prince managed to keep it to a minimum, swallowing hard and looking away. Engaged. Engagement. Marriage. Married. He certainly hadn't meant for his thoughts to be going in that direction! Even if the entire thing had been a disaster so far—and there really wasn't much of it to compare to, a few hours at best, he was sure, but still, it irked him in a way that he didn't particularly like.

"…and are you listening to me!" Zero's slender fingered hand flashed out and grabbed Kaname's chin, jerking the pureblood's face around to look at him. "Would you at least try and pretend that you don't want to die?"

Kaname scoffed with a regal wrinkle of his very nicely pointed nose. "I am a Kuran, we do not simply die!" He hissed.

"Right. You go kicking and screaming and biting." Zero muttered, his lilac eyes grew wide as he made the connection between his hand and Kaname's chin and immediately dropped his hand to his side, eyes averted. "Look, just play it by ear, okay? Ichiru will go along with whatever I say and as long as you don't give it away, no one will be the wiser, alright? Now, the lady in there is Princess Sara, I hope you've heard of her, 'cause I don't have a single nice thing to about the witch, she's manipulative and oversensitive and this entire thing will blow up in our faces if you let slip anything out of the ordinary."

"And pray tell, why would I even be speaking in the first place?" Kaname drawled. "Really, I have no desire to be a part of your family squabbles and-"

"A family that you're now a part of!" Zero snapped. "So learn the ropes quickly!" He scowled. "You don't know my father and…he hates me." He sucked in a breath for courage and squared his shoulders. "Just…don't do anything—oh never mind. Remember which fork to use." And with that, Zero yanked out the last of his earrings, tucked them in his pocket, ran his hands through his hair and arranged his attire in a manner supposedly similar to his twins.

Kaname snorted. This was so melodramatic that it was almost painful to watch. His left eyebrow twitched at the last phrase. He always knew which fork to use! How dare that insolent little-! He stopped, watching as Zero who had forgotten to take his earrings out did so and immediately ruffled his hair and subtly shifted his appearance. He'd have to give the Kiryu prince some credit after all, he thought, sourly.

The entered the dining hall and Kaname was somewhat mollified to note that it was large, ostentatious and overbearing in every way that his parents had said to expect of the Kiryu royals. The tall, vaulted ceilings and stained glass windows seemed almost out of place for something as ordinary as a dining hall and then he saw the large, immovable, carved stone table and the elegant wooden chairs with tall, high-backs and lastly, the complicated place settings.

Oh. So that's why Zero had said something about forks.

Kaname swallowed hard. They never used every piece of silver at his home. Sure, he would know what was what, once he sat down and discreetly examined them—or looked to Zero for an example—but suddenly, he had a feeling that his own royal existence was that of a pauper at best, when it came to the finery of the Kiryu's. His resolve was swiftly tangling itself up with the very real reality in front of him. He didn't want to deal with all—yet.

"Ah, good morning-!" Ichiru began, spotting them at once.

"Good morning, Zero!" Zero greeted, a wide smile taking on his face as he approached the table, the expression firmly fixed on his features.

Ichiru blinked, swallowed and then his smile faded to a slight grimace. "Ichiru." He gave a tip of his head. "I wondered what was taking you so long! Do you think I actually enjoyed sitting here like-"

Zero gave a dismissive wave of his hand and turned to his parents, praying and hoping this would work. "Father, Mother." He inclined his head, respectfully and then gestured beside him. "Kaname?"

The Kuran Prince shot him a glare, but tipped his head forward, just the barest hints of a tilt—as much as he could politely and politically get away with—and murmured a similar greeting. "Good morning, your highnesses." The words were ground out, stiffly.

"Kaname took his time getting ready." Zero said, cheerfully, selecting the seat beside Sara, pulling out the chair for Kaname. With his customary glare—Kaname sat. Zero seated himself beside them and leaned back as the servants came forward and began to serve the morning meal.

There was the quiet clink of dishes and servants bustling and voices in the distance.

A tense, heavy silence settled over the breakfasting royals.

At one point, Sara kicked Zero under the table and when the silver-haired prince choked on his orange juice, Kaname took that moment to elbow him in the stomach. The result was Ichiru kicking Sara back in retaliation and Queen Shizuka asking if the juice had enough salt in it.

"S-salt?" Zero coughed, wincing, into the embroidered napkin.

She waved her hand, airily. "Cravings, you know how it is, Zero dear."

At that, both twins managed exact expressions and identical coughs in response.

"Ichiru." Zero wheezed as Sara helpfully whacked him on the back, with far more glee and force than necessary. "I'm Ichiru."

"Of course, Zero, dear." His mother's soft eyes flared up with a maniacal glint in her pink-hued orbs. "I do wish you'd just tell me when you two feel like switching for the day, it's much easier on the rest of us if someone knows."

At this, Ichiru began to stammer and sputter, earning himself, Sara's own tenderizing ministrations.

Kaname continued to stiffly eat his breakfast fruit salad, pretending not to notice anything out of the ordinary.

"Zero, Ichiru." King Rido's sharp voice had both of his son's sitting bolt upright and his daughter-in-law taking notice. His fierce, dual-colored eyes pierced through them both. "A word." He said, thinly. "When we are through."

"Ach, Rido!" Shizuka smacked him on the arm, with a pointed glare. "What did I tell you about discussing affairs of state at the breakfast table? You're going to give me and the baby indigestion!"

The King blanched. "D-darling, it isn't affairs of state, it's just-"

"It's just that you don't care anymore, that's it, isn't it?" She wailed, suddenly shooting to her feet. "I bet the next thing you'd have done, you wouldn't have even noticed that they'd changed places, would you?"

"Er," The king said, intelligently.

"You've never been able to tell them apart!" She snapped. "Ohh, I've had it!" She whirled around and threw her napkin in her strawberries and cream dish. "Zero, you should have said something." She ignored his spluttering protests. "And Ichiru, so should have you! Why didn't you go to see your father, directly as I told you to!"

"How was I to know you were trying to marry me off!" The twin protested. "And I didn't…this isn't my fault, don't you dare pin this on me!"

"Hey!" Zero protested.

"Or Zero." Ichiru added, belatedly. He threw an apologetic look at his partially sulking twin. "Look, this is a mess, we can…fix it. Right?"

"That indeed we can." Grandmaster Cross entered the dining hall, his head held his, his fan open and fluttering in hands as he moved in slow measured steps. "I must say your majesties, you do worry me. This could have been avoided if you had thought to ignore your penchant for cloak and dagger manipulations in the lives of your sons!" Honey-golden eyes narrowed. "You are very lucky that Zero has such a good head on his shoulders."

"Hey!" Now it was Ichiru's turn to protest.

Zero rolled his eyes.

Kaname tried not to notice how adorable they both looked with matching pouts. He blinked. _NO! That was absolutely not…cute…in any way…at all._

"If you will come with me, this very minute, the preparations are complete."

"Preparations?" King Rido was on his feet and opened his arms automatically for his wife to cuddle into, even as she pinched his arms in retaliation for their verbal sparring.

"Yes, Prince Kaname attacked Prince…Zero, in a fit of rage. There is currently blood involved. Ichiru, you will need to tend to the wound as soon as possible and-"

"Wound?" Sara blinked, owlishly. "Blood?"

Ichiru calmly reached over and pinched the back of her neck, hard. He had the sense to move her plate out from in front of her, before the princess flopped over, unconscious on the dining hall table.

Kaname nearly choked. This was one insane family.

_Father, Mother…what have you gotten me into?_

* * *

><p><strong>~*~*~*Thanks for reading! Leave a comment if you can. ah, and do you think Kaname was eating with the wrong fork? :P ~*~*~ <strong>


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